


One Deep Breath

by Redleafmornings



Series: Falling down [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Artist Ben Organa, Barebacking, Butt Plugs, Cats, Come Swallowing, Creampie, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Hot Mess Armitage Hux, Hux on the edge of a breakdown, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mentions of past child abuse, Mentions of past homophobia, Mutual Masturbation, Panic Attacks, Parental Death, Smut, blowjob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-02-19 07:06:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13118601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redleafmornings/pseuds/Redleafmornings
Summary: Struggling with guilt over his brother, and trying to be the one to keep them together, Hux is drowning in the responsibility. He reaches out to a man at an art exhibit and gets more than he bargained for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a prequel to Paid In Pictures, the story of how Hux and Kylo get together. You don't have to read either one to get the other, they are two stories that just happen to each of the brothers.

Hux wasn’t drunk enough for this, normally they would go to exhibition openings already half cut and giggle their way through. This time they had wine with dinner, but not enough to be giddy. At least he hadn’t had enough, they had shared a bottle and he had only gotten one glass. Although it was enjoyable to look at the stills, there wasn’t the normal humor to their outing. 

It had been a while since they had done this, and Hux felt the need to get home even as Unamo pulled him along.

All the art was surreal, and as he looked from picture to picture he was actually enjoying it rather than sharing rude comments with Unamo. If he’d had another few drinks he could probably dig something up about the faceless man tied to a chair. The man in the picture had braided back hair and a muscled chest and arms that was spotted with dark moles. The way he sat in the chair showed that he was tall and over all he would have been Hux’s type. As it was Hux only managed one mocking comment.

“The perfect man.”

Unamo burst into laughter, and then leaned into his side.

“But then he couldn’t lick your asshole.”

Despite knowing better he still laughed along with her. Maybe one glass of wine was enough. 

“Tradeoffs have to be made.”

Unamo held onto this arm as she walked beside him, he knew it was because she was in six-inch spike heels. She was a pro normally, but as soon as she got a few drinks in her she would use Hux as a walking stick. 

The more he looked at the more he seemed to like it, not that stopped him from making mean comments to get a laugh out of Unamo. 

“I like this one.” 

Unamo said as they paused in front of a print. It was of an old church, broken down and peeling. The view was pointing upward as if you were on your knees praying. Although most of the art was surreal this was different. This looked like a memory, something important to the artist.

“Since this is the only one that’s not surreal, I’m guessing the artist is probably some pretentious god obsessed asshole.”

“He’s pretentious, but less god obsessed than you would think.” 

The deep voice was lightly accented, and Hux turned to see who was talking. The man looked like the one in the picture before, obviously a model. His long dark hair wasn’t tied back this time though, it hung around his face is waves. Only making him look more handsome. It helped that he was in a suit this time, though it was less Armani and more Alexander McQueen. Deep red with black floral hints, with a black v neck t-shirt under it. 

His nose was bigger than Hux liked, but over all maybe it wasn’t so bad that the man had a face after all. 

“I am guessing you and your-”

The man waved his hand at Unamo.

“Lover, are not fans of the artist?”

Hux supposed it would be insulting to hear someone mocking the artist you posed for. 

“I’m not his lover.”

The man’s face warmed up a little, and Hux wondered if this was supposed to be flirting. If it was, Hux wasn’t going to miss out, though he was rusty enough that it took a moment to decide what to say. It had been almost three years since his late date.

“They’re not the worst I’ve seen, I rather liked the one you were in.”

“Why don’t I show you the artist best work? Maybe you will be fond of that.”

There was no missing the innuendo behind it. It had been so long that Hux wanted to be showed around by the model. Hux made a face at Unamo to see if he had her approval, and at her excited nod he looked back at the man.

“Alright…”

“Ben.”

“Alright Ben, show me what you think is their best.”

Ben held out his hand and Hux took it. Only then did Unamo relinquish he grip on his arm, she gave him a wink as Ben took him through a hallway to the other side of the gallery. He doubted it would amount to much, but maybe he could shake off a little of the rust and manage to get a phone number. 

Ben’s hand dwarfed his own even though they were almost the same height and Hux allowed himself to be led through a doorway to a smaller room. In there, there was more, these were different then the collection in the first room. Still surreal, but also sensual. There was a series of nudes of the man beside him, though nothing important was showing. His muscles were tensed and the position looked painful and not fully human, but Hux could also see the beauty in it. The strength in him as they moved through the photos. 

In the end it was a metamorphosis, a painful change with a beautiful end. He almost looked like a sea creature in the end, dying on dry land. There was a loneliness that spoke to him, and he wished he could meet the artist who had made it. It was the same feeling that had clung onto him since he had lost his brother. 

Despite the surreal elements Hux wanted to touch that body, he wasn’t drunk, but the glass of wine had lowered his walls enough that he felt desperate to touch someone and be touched in return. He missed being touched, and then felt guilty for missing it.

“This is beautiful.”

“Would you like to see more?”

There was innuendo to his words, and through his loneliness Hux couldn’t care why it was. If it was just to look at more of the photos he would even take that, just to feel another man’s hand in his own.

“Please.”

Hux was glad he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt, in fact he sounded rather bored.

With that Ben started leading him out through a closed door, and then they were out of the main part of the gallery and then there was a second door.

It was to the fire escape outside. 

“Hey-”

He turned to Ben and could see the heat in his eyes, the words died in his throat as Ben’s hand cupped his jaw and tilted his head up. The fingers on his other hand still tangled with Hux’s.

Hux hadn’t had to tilt his head upward ever in his life, and he felt want curling in his stomach as their lips met. The feeling of having someone want him was enough to open the floodgates. He kissed Ben like he was dying and the only thing that kept him holding on was Ben’s lips. It had been so long, that maybe it was the only thing that kept him holding into it. 

He loved the taste of Ben, even with the bitter coffee and after taste of cigarettes, it was human and alive. Hux wouldn’t give it up for anything in that moment. 

Ben didn’t seem to mind his sloppy kiss, or the Hux was pulling his black t-shirt out of his suit pants so that Hux could touch his stomach. His abs felt as good as it had looked, and he moaned into Ben’s mouth. 

It was a desperate needy sound, and he didn’t even care, he just wanted more. It felt so good to be in Ben’s arms, in anyone’s really. 

Ben’s grip on him changed as soon as he started touching Ben’s abs, he took it as permission for more, his hands untucking and pausing at the top of Hux’s fitted jeans. Hux tried to make noises to give consent and Ben took it. The cold air bit his skin as Ben exposed him to the cold air, then his large hand was wrapped around him and he gasped. 

Ben broke the kiss but stayed close enough that he could feel his breath against his lips. 

“I’ve been watching you since you arrived. How your ass looks in those pants. I was hoping you would be interested.”

Hux kissed his again to shut him up, but Ben’s hand started to move on his cock and he had to hold onto Ben’s arm to keep standing. It had been so long he was surprised he didn’t just come at the first stroke. Hux tried to pull himself together, thinking that it would be important to reciprocate. 

He attempted Ben’s zipper and then after a few clumsy attempts he got it open and was pleased to feel that Ben wasn’t wearing any underwear. He was almost fully hard, and Hux felt his chest ache with need as he felt how big he was. It had been so long. He wanted more than just a mutual hand job on the fire escape, but he would take it. 

Although the cold would normally have gotten to him he felt overheated in his skin. With a little maneuvering he managed to get Ben’s cock against his own, their hands moving together. As soon as it freed up one of Ben’s hands he could feel it on his ass, feeling him up. Hux was losing control already and he tried to make a noise into the kiss to let Ben know, but it only sounded like another weak moan. 

He spilled over Ben’s hands and Hux moved his clean hand to hang onto Ben while he caught his breath. Ben still wasn’t finished and he kept Hux close as he continued. Hux peppered Ben’s face with kisses, whispering encouragements. 

Ben pulled away and turned to finish against the building.

“Shit.”

Hux watched it, wishing that he had felt it.

“Didn’t want to mess up your shirt any more.”

Ben’s voice was husky, and his lower lip was wet and swollen from their kisses.

His words made Hux look down and notice that he had came mostly on his own shirt. 

“Oh fuck, I’m not going to be able to get back in, am I?”

Ben’s laugh was loud and rich. Hux could have listened to it forever but he was quickly brought back to the moment as Ben wiped his hands on the already messed shirt.

“Hey!”

“Take it off, I’ll let you borrow mine.”

Now that the heated kisses and hand job was over he felt a little self-conscious taking off his shirt, but without any other options he took off his blazer and set it over the railing before taking off his shirt. Ben was doing the same, his suit jacket thrown on the platform while he stripped out of the shirt. 

If it was possible his body looked even better than it had in the pictures. Hux shivered in the cold, and he took the shirt gladly. 

“Can I get your number?”

His phone was in Unamo’s purse, but Ben’s question was so gentle he wanted desperately to say yes.

“I don’t have my phone on me.”

Ben bent down and picked up the suit jacket, pulling it on and then digging in the pocket. He handed Hux a sharpie and his lips turned up in a smile. 

“Write it on me.”

If he was thinking clearly, he wouldn’t have done it, but in the moment with his deep need for contact only reawakened he popped the cap off and wrote it across Ben’s stomach. 

“I have to go back. It’s expected or I would stay, but I’ll call you.”

Ben pulled him in for one last kiss, and Hux savoured it, trying to remember everything about the way Ben’s lips felt on his own.

Quietly they reopened the door and slid inside, and with one last smile Ben moved back into the crowd and Hux’s hand felt terribly empty. Already he had gotten used to the weight of Ben’s hand in his own. 

As always, the guilt hit soon after and he managed to gather his things from Unamo before piling the two of them in a taxi to return home. 

She was dropped off first, and then he was alone again.

Hux wasn’t one to fool himself, he doubted the man would ever call, and even if he did he knew that his life didn’t need any more complications. As soon as he was in the door and managed to kick off his shoes, the lights flicked on and he was caught. 

He didn’t mind though, he smiled at his brother, trying to soften his expression. Brendol didn’t need any more complications in his life, he had enough to handle without taking in Hux’s moment of weakness.

“You’re back early.”

The relief was so clear in Brendol’s voice that he regretted going out. He knew that things weren’t going well, it had been bad enough that Brendol had moved back in and yet as selfish as always, he had still left. Hux started berating himself because he knew his brother wouldn’t.

“I shouldn’t have gone.”

Brendol shrugged and his face held a gentle hope. It was so easy to crush it these days, and Hux knew that whatever the request he would accept, he needed to foster him. 

“Armie, would you mind staying up and watching a movie with me?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t mind. Put it on and I’ll get changed.”

Hux put the rest of his night out of his mind, and this his smile at Brendol’s retreating back was genuine.


	2. Chapter 2

His phone going off woke him, and he turned it off before it made any more noises.

Hux’d fallen asleep in Brendol’s bed again, after promising to stay with him until he fell asleep.

Hux’s back hurt from the awkward position he slept in, and his belt was digging into his hip. If that wasn’t bad enough Hux also felt cold from sleeping on top of the covers. Yet it didn’t feel like it really mattered. He would go through a lot worst if it meant Brendol got a good sleep.

He couldn’t stop worrying about his brother, he thought things were getting better, but lately it seemed like it was getting worse. It could have been the trial ending, or that his therapy was dealing with the worst of it, but Hux felt helpless. He knew what had happened, listened to Brendol testify in front of the courtroom, and yet he had never been through anything like that. He didn’t know how he could help.

Three years was all it was since he saw his brother for the first time since they were fourteen. Not only did he look different from when they were young, he also acted different. The brave angry young boy was gone and in his place was a haunted man. He had so much fear in him he would wake up sobbing, and there was nothing Hux could do to help except stay beside him and be a reminder that it was over now.

He’d never been good at feeling helpless. Hux was just glad Brendol was sleeping now, his face relaxed for once.

Since the text could be his boss, Hux slipped off the bed and returned to his own room. There were still a few hours until morning, and maybe his back had time to unkink.

He waited until he got to his room to turn his phone back on and he started to undress while it loaded up.

Once he pulled his pajamas on, Hux picked up his phone and frowned at the unknown number.

Opening the message, he was startled at seeing a rather large cock. Both offended and slightly turned on, he bit his lip and tried to figure out if he knew the sender. It didn’t look familiar, so he furiously started typing.

_You have the wrong number._  
_3:32 am_

_Unknown number: Isn’t this the redhead, from the gallery?_  
_3:36 am_

Hux paused and looked back at the picture. He could see a big mole next to the cock. Ben had had moles. Though Hux hadn’t really got a good look at his cock. It could be him, since it had been more desperate groping than anything, he knew the feel of it more than the look.

Hux had managed to pretend the incident at the gallery had never happened and settle back into his life. He had forgotten he had written his number over Ben’s stomach.

Hux’s cock hadn’t forgotten though; Ben’s large hands had felt amazing. Hux looked at the picture again, and he palmed himself through his pajamas. He was too tired to do anything more than a half hearted touch but he would be looking at this picture when he climbed into bed the next night.

Hux both wanted to keep pretending nothing had happened, and also have a little bit of that moment back. He supposed there was no harm in replying.

He felt like a return dick pic would be a bit crass, so when Hux remembered that Ben had been rather fond of his ass he thought it over.

Against his better judgement, Hux pulled down his pajamas and climbed onto the bed. He kept his face down and his ass up. He tried to arch his back to give a better angle and he blindly took half a dozen pictures. He could always block the number later if he regretted it.

He hadn’t waxed in three years, and there was a little red fuzz between his legs and on his balls, but he supposed the picture looked passable. Before he could talk himself out of it he hit send.

_Ben: Fuck, it sure is the redhead, I would recognize that ass anywhere. Looks even better with nothing on it._  
_3:43 am_

_Ben: Since you are awake, you should come over. I need to get my hands on you._  
_3:44 am_

Hux bit his lip, his skin felt warm as he thought about how Ben’s hands had felt before, but he wasn’t about to be an early morning booty call. He also wasn’t about to leave when Techie was still asleep, if he had nightmares no one would be there for him.

_You woke me up. unlike some people, I have work in the morning._  
_3:52_

_Ben: On a Saturday? Damn you’re no fun. After work then, I’ll send you my address. I wanna make you cum._  
_3:56_

He should come straight home, but if he finished up early he may be able to spare two hours. Two hours to just relax into someone else’s touch. He swallowed.

He wasn’t sure which was stronger, his need to ignore the awful dirty talk that Ben was writing or the need to just be held by someone.

_Fine, just for a short time. I have things to do. I shouldn’t come over at all after being insulted though._  
_3:57_

_Ben: You must be a saint then. How about one more picture? I bet that ass would look great wrapped around my cock._  
_3:57_

Hux sighed and ignored the message, leaving it on read before shutting off his phone again.

/

Hux debated not going at all, but Ben had been sending pictures all day. He hadn’t thought that Ben could get more vulgar after the dick pic, but Hux was proven wrong. Ben’s hand smearing pre-come over his glans, his come splashed over his stomach with his large fingers trailing through it, the last one a picture of the same semen being rubbed over Ben’s obscenely plush lips. It wasn’t even his whole face, just his lovely lips at the top and then his throat and shoulders showing. Even though Hux didn’t respond Ben didn’t seem to be discouraged.

By lunch Hux was finishing up work early and he was so glad. He’d been fighting an erection since he arrived at work and opened up the first picture.

The other pictures he had no excuse for. Heo opened them even though he had a good idea what they held.

As he put the last file away for the day he sighed. Hux was tired, bone tired and this wouldn’t give him energy, but he wanted it. Coming in on Saturday meant that most of the time he came home before it was too late on weekdays, and he could be beside Techie as he fell asleep.

Going to Ben’s meant he would miss lunch, but Hux wanted someone to hold him and to forget about his life for an hour, it didn’t matter that he hardly knew the man. He needed that more than he needed food.

As he climbed in his car he looked at the address again and took off. Thankfully it wasn’t too far from his house. He could be home before two, and he and Techie could start making dinner together. Techie seemed to like cooking, it was methodical and it was calming. Not that either of them were really any good at it, but the food was edible.

Once he arrived Hux took off his suit jacket and set it in the passenger’s seat. He also undid his dress shirt and rolled up the sleeves. Finally, he took off his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons. Once he was satisfied he look casual and inviting enough, Hux slipped out of his car and rang the doorbell.

There was no immediate answer and he pressed the doorbell again. Hux tried not to feel disappointed, and was just going through a list of why it was better that his hookup wasn’t answering when the door opened.

Ben was only in a towel, his hair wet and hanging down around his shoulders. Hux watched the water drip down from a curl onto his collarbone. He wanted to lick it off, the list of why he shouldn’t be doing this already forgotten. Kylo’s moles stood out against his pale skin and Hux wanted to touch each one.

Ben’s broad chest looked even better in the light, his pecs large enough that Hux was sure he could fuck them. He wanted this, he wanted this so much his cock was raising despite the fact that he hadn’t even been touched yet.

“Sorry I was in the shower, I was just getting ready.”

The words were delivered in a cocky manner that belied any apology.

“I was beginning to think I wasn’t needed after the pictures you sent,” Hux bit out sarcastically, trying to cover his attraction.

He didn’t like being obvious even if they both knew why he was here. It made him feel vulnerable and there was nothing he hated more than that. Ben didn’t seem to mind though, slipping his arms around Hux’s waist, and getting his shirt damp.

“Naw baby, that was just the warm up. I wanted to give you a preview.”

“To see if you could scare me off?”

Ben ignored his snippy words, instead pressing kisses over his cheek and then on his jaw beside his ear. He was pulling Hux closer until their chests were flush.

“To see if I could get you to hurry over.”

The words were whispered in Hux’s ears and he felt a shiver down his spine. Hux knew Ben would have felt it.

“You’re getting me all wet.”

Ben laughed and pulled him into the entranceway.

“Well then I better get you out of those wet clothes and into a warm bed.”

Ben paused for dramatic effect, pulling Hux closer to that he could lower his voice.

“Where I’ll make you drip.”

Hux rolled his eyes, but Ben didn’t seem to be dissuaded. Instead he pulled Hux deeper into his house, giving Hux kisses until he started to relax and move with him. Ben’s lips were terribly soft, and Hux gave into them, opening his mouth for Ben’s tongue to slide against his own. This time Ben tasted of toothpaste. It was a lot more welcoming than the last time.

Ben was pulling him through the house as they kissed, and they only bumped into one doorway as they made their way to Ben’s bedroom. Hux hardly noticed, he was too focused on the warm, thick arms around him and the lips against his own.

Ben’s hands were roaming his body, pulling his shirt out of his pants and yanking at the buttons. When they didn’t come undone Ben tore his shirt half-open, buttons popping off and skittering across the floor.

Hux twisted away so he could speak.

“This is a five-hundred-dollar shirt, you better be prepared to replace anything you ruin.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, and tore it the rest of the way. Hux scowled at him, but shrugged what was left off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

“I’ll replace anything I ruin. Don’t get your panties in a twist, or I’ll rip them off too.”

Ben’s voice was teasing and he started working on Hux’s pants.

To save his trousers from being ruined as well, Hux helped him. He was only in his underwear when he noticed they were already in the bedroom.

It was dark, with blackout curtains covering the window. The only light was from a lamp that gave off a dusky glow. The bed was low and large, and there were wooden bookcases covering most of the walls. Hux didn’t really have time to look around further, Ben was back on him tugging down his underwear and pushing him so that he fell back onto the bed.

“Let me see you, babe.”

Hux made a face at the endearment, but tilted his hips up for Ben so that he could slip his underwear down off his thighs. He watched Ben’s face, the heat that was in his gaze as he looked over Hux’s nude body. Hux didn’t want to wait, he wanted Ben’s lips on him. When he reached up towards Ben, Hux instead pulled on the towel from around his waist and let it fall to the floor.

He was sure his own expression was hungry, he’d never seen this much of Ben other than the snapshots and the monstrous photos at the gallery. The real thing was so much better, and the real thing was also leaning down and pushing Hux’s legs open.

Hux allowed it. Then he did more than just allow it, he was encouraging Ben and was biting back moans as Ben’s warm lips left wet marks on the inside of his thigh. He dug his fingers into Ben’s long hair and pulled it as a mark was sucked into his skin.

“Nothing that will show in public,” Hux warned.

Ben laughed against his thigh, sucking another mark into his skin, this time a little higher up. He could feel Ben brushing against his balls this time. Ben’s lips moved against his skin as he spoke.

“Do you intend on showing your thighs in public?”

“No,” Hux said incredulously.

“Then stop worrying and enjoy the show.”

Hux tugged harder on Ben’s hair in retaliation, but his annoyance melted away as Ben nipped on the same spot he had been sucking on. Slowly he moved up, licking the base of Hux’s cock while Ben’s hands came up to cup Hux’s balls. Hux hadn’t expected this, but he was so glad it was happening. Ben really was taking the time to touch him.

It was almost too much, having someone paying so much attention to him. Hux was already dripping precome against his own stomach, and yet Ben had only just begun. He had missed this so much that he tried to memorize the feeling of every single movement of Ben’s mouth and the roll of his fingers on his balls.

Hux tightened his hand in Ben’s hair to hide that he was shaking.

It was too much, after all. He needed something more like the other night. Something quick and dirty. But this...this was too warm, too loving. Hux hadn’t had this in so long it felt overwhelming.

Ben was pressing kisses against Hux’s shaft as he licked his way to the tip.

“Stop.”

Hux didn’t know how to explain that he wasn’t used to this, and that he couldn’t handle it right now so instead he answered Ben’s questioning look with something he knew he could handle.

“I want you to pin me down and fuck me.”

Ben pressed one last kiss to his cock.

“I can do that, baby.”

“Condom?”

Ben moved back to dig through his nightstand and Hux used the chance to roll over. He moved onto his knees and buried his face into the pillow.

Hux had just settled when Ben moved back onto the bed, his weight shifting behind Hux.

With his hands grabbing the pillow the shaking had almost left Hux. With his face hiding in the pillow, his world was only sound and touch. The pop of the cap of lube, the feel of a hand rubbing up his thigh and squeezing his ass. The feeling of his cheeks being pressed further apart before a wet finger nudged against his hole.

Ben didn’t push in right away, instead he rubbed around the pucker and pulled at his hole. It made Hux think of how exposed he was. He loved the feeling of being opened up before someone. He wanted Ben to use him.

When Ben got enough of a look he pushed a finger inside him. It was thick enough that Hux moaned into the pillow at the stretch. He could just imagine how that large hand looked, a finger working him.

Hux tried to relax around it, get used to the feeling of having something inside him. It would be wonderful to have something inside him again after so long, pushing at his walls. Most the time he was too tired to bother with toys, he would just have a quick wank in the shower before bed.

“You’re tight as hell.”

Hux turned his head enough to respond without being muffled in the pillow.

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy that.”

Hux hadn’t realized he had relaxed so much, but Ben was pressing a second finger inside him.

“Yeah, I bet I will.”

There was no humor that normally came in Ben’s words, only a naked desire.

Ben was still so gentle, he didn’t rush as he stretched Hux open. Ben spread his fingers until it ached, but never took it too far. It was almost a surprise, the one other time they had been together Ben quickly got him off outside, on a fire escape no less. Now, there were soft, languid kisses pressed against Hux lower back and ass.

Every once in a while, Ben would work on Hux’s prostate until he was squirming on his fingers, and then ease up. Enough to keep him hard and dripping, but not enough to get him off. Hux moaned and made noises of encouragement.

The third finger felt like too much, but Ben was letting him slowly adjust. Too slowly for Hux. This wasn’t animalistic fucking, it was still too soft and kind.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I want you inside me already.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

Ben must have believed him because Hux felt his fingers slip out of him and hear the condom package ripping. Excitement shot through his body, it had been so long since he had another man inside him.

First Ben tapped Hux’s hole with his cock, letting him feel that he was wearing a condom and also just how big the head was.

Hux moaned out, spreading his legs a little more, trying to welcome him in. Ben still waited, rubbing the slick head of his cock over his hole, giving Hux just a hint of what he wanted.

“You’re so needy. but don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”

Hux wished he could glare at him, but then Ben was pushing inside him and he was too focused on the feeling of Ben stretching him open to hold onto any annoyance. Ben worked himself in slowly, carefully moving deeper. Even though Ben took his time it ached so deeply it was the only thing Hux could concentrate on. For a few seconds he thought Ben was going to tear him apart.

It was almost a relief when Ben settled, buried up to the hilt. Instead of moving yet, Ben held himself inside Hux as deeply as he could and pressed a few kisses against Hux’s back.

“You feel perfect baby, just like you were made for me.”

“I thought I said pin me down and fuck me?”

There was a grumble, but the first thrust was slightly rough, enough that it made Hux lose his breath. Hux gripped the sheets and pushed back into it. Ben was relentless now that he began, and with every little noise that Hux made Ben seemed to only be encouraged. A large hand slipped over both of Hux’s own, and Hux really did feel held in place as Ben fucked him.

“This is what you needed wasn’t it?”

Ben’s voice was tense, and the next thrust almost hurt. He had a wonderful curve to his cock that Hux knew if he was on his back instead would drive him crazy. As it was though, it still felt wonderful. Maybe Hux would have to try that someday, but right now he wasn’t sure he could handle both seeing and feeling Ben. He was already overwhelmed from all the kisses and touches, watching Ben take pleasure from his body would be too much.

“I asked you a question.”

The words were growled out, and Hux’s skin felt tight. He was going to fucking come.

“Yes.”

The words were almost shouted into the pillow and he dug his nails into his palm to try and hold off his orgasm. It didn’t work, he tensed around the thick cock splitting him open and he spilled on the sheets below him.

Ben kept going until Hux was limp, and then pulled out. He could hear the snap of a condom being pulled off and the sounds of Ben jerking off.

Hux rolled over so he could watch it.

Ben looked wonderful, his whole muscular body on show as he knelt above Hux. Once Hux was settled, Ben moved to straddle his narrow waist.

Hux reached out and ran his hands over Ben’s thighs. They were probably thicker than his own waist, and he wanted to know just how rough Ben could be if he wanted.

“Come on my chest.”

Hux watched Ben’s nod and then he concentrated on watching him jerk off. He could hardly believe all of that had fit inside him. Someday he would love to feel Ben come inside him while those big hands were wrapped around his waist.

It wasn’t long before Ben did just as he asked, and it felt warm as it splashed against Hux’s skin. There was so much and he tried to lay flat so that he wouldn’t mess up Ben’s sheets more than he already had. He could feel his own come making a wet spot on his back.

“I’ll get a towel.”

Ben pulled on the nipple that wasn’t covered in his semen before he left, and Hux closed his eyes. He thought over what had just happened and how good each moment had felt.

It was wonderful to be touched like that again, he had missed it.

He forgot how it felt to have a person inside of him instead of a toy. It was different, and in some ways better. No toy would have peppered him with kisses, and no toy would have left bite marks inside his thigh. Hux was going to feel that each time he took a step over the next week, and he was thankful for it.

The mess over his chest was starting to cool, but before it became too awkward Ben returned with a damp towel.

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and wiped Hux down, slowly cleaning him up. The towel was warm and it actually felt good to be carefully cleaned. Hux didn’t really know why he felt so comfortable with Ben, but it was probably just because he was so damn lonely.

“There we go, all clean.”

Ben leaned down and gave him a kiss on his forehead before standing. The bed was so comfortable that Hux didn’t want to leave right away. He moved out of the wet spot and snuggled under the blankets.

It was a few minutes before Ben joined him and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. It was just what Hux needed, to have someone hold him, and he relaxed into the feeling. He would have to leave soon, but he could close his eyes just for a minute.

Sleep was pulling at Hux and he gave in just a little bit. He was so tired and he could rest for just a bit.

Hux blinked sleepily as he felt a hard cock pressed between his cheeks and pulled himself together. He didn’t know how Ben could get hard again so fast, and yet his own body was responding.

“Must be magic.”

Ben laughed in his ear and Hux felt him pushing against his hole.

“Can I?”

Hux nodded and felt Ben pressing inside him again. He could feel the condom and was glad Ben had put it on, because in his tiredness he had sort of forgotten. Much to his surprise his body was responding and when Ben reached around to touch him he was already hardening under Ben’s hand.

There was the ache from earlier and a new ache as Hux forced his body to take Ben for a second time. This time he was too sleepy to do much, but Ben didn’t seem to mind, the thrusts lazy and slow.

It felt almost dreamy, with kisses against Hux’s neck and shoulder as Ben slowly fucked him. Ben was jerking him off to the same speed as the thrusts inside him, and it felt almost timeless.

Hux let the moans and the gasps leave his mouth without trying to hold them back, fully giving into Ben.

“Oh darling, you sound amazing.”

Hux couldn’t find the energy to speak and just made a noise of agreement. He felt more like he was just along for the ride, and he was enjoying every moment of it.

Hux reached behind himself and took Ben’s ass in his palm, encouraging him.

This time they found their end together and Hux felt the condom filling inside him. He wished there was nothing between them, that he could feel that hot release deep inside himself. This would do though, as it was his body was feeling a little raw.

They were quiet for a minute, just feeling their bodies together.

“What time is it?”

They had probably used up an hour and a half of the two hours that Hux had allotted to them. He might have time for a shower before he was expected and get the scent of sex off his skin.

“Almost six, we should pick up dinner. I’m starving.”

Hux felt like he was electrocuted, he didn’t realise he had fallen asleep for so long.

“Six! Oh god, I’m supposed to be home.”

Hux moved so that Ben slipped out of him and then looked for his clothing, finding most of it. His shirt wouldn’t do up as most the buttons were gone, but at least it wasn’t torn. He couldn’t find his underwear but it didn’t really matter. He could afford to buy more.

Ben was just watching him until Hux put his socks on, then he got out of bed, still wearing the used condom. It made Hux flush to see Ben’s lack of shame.

“A husband or wife waiting for you?”

“What? No, it’s my brother. He often doesn’t eat if I’m not there. He likes to know where I am.”

Ben’s shoulders relaxed and he nodded.

“Weird, but okay.”

It was late, Hux was going to be four hours late and he hadn’t messaged Techie to tell him. He would be freaking out. Hux’s chest clutched in anxiety.

He grabbed his phone and could see the dozen messages and quickly replied that he fell asleep, telling his brother that he was sorry and would be home soon. He waited with the phone in his hands until he got the reply that it was okay and Brendol would be waiting for him.

That made him feel only a little bit better, he would have to spend the rest of the weekend earning Brendol’s forgiveness, because he knew that Bren would give it too easily.

“You should have woken me.”

The panic was clear in his voice.

“I did.”

Ben sounded proud of himself, smug even.

“I obviously meant earlier.”

“I didn’t know you had plans darling, you looked beat and I figured I might as well let you get some rest.”

“What is with all the endearments?”

Maybe Hux was being prickly, but he couldn’t help it, it was just who he was.

“Well I would call you by your name if you ever decided to give it to me.”

Hux had been sure he had given his name, but as he thought back he couldn’t remember.

Horror dawned on him as he realized that Ben had been inside him twice and yet he had never known Hux’s name. The thought made his cheeks color and to cover his embarrassment he sniped.

“That’s because you haven’t earned it yet.”

“Oh baby, I will make that my life’s goal.”

Ben pulled him close, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Hux made a noise of annoyance, but inside he was terribly pleased. No one had ever really made an effort for him, though he supposed he had never really made an effort for anyone else either. He couldn’t expect something he was unwilling to give, himself.

“When can I see you next?”

Ben asked, continuing to pepper Hux’s face with kisses.

“I don’t know.”

“Baby, give me a time.”

“Tuesday.”

“Monday?”

“At 12:10 For 30 minutes.”

Ben groaned, but he accepted it. Hux knew he shouldn’t be driving out to get dicked on his lunch hour, but he could maybe eat along the way.

Already he had images of Ben fucking him while Hux desperately tried to choke down a sandwich. With a shake of his head to clear his thoughts, Hux wriggled out of Ben’s grasp and hastily left his house to head home.

“Come again soon!” Ben hollered after him, amusement and innuendo colouring his tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also thank you Pandalolli for editing the story to make sure that it is the best it can be! All the mistakes are my own :p


	3. Chapter 3

Hux had been scrounging every bit of spare time and spending it at Ben’s place. He might be so tired that he passed out in Brendol’s bed most nights, but it was worth it to have Ben’s hands all over him and his cock inside him. It felt almost healing to have human contact for a little while. It was a moment in time when he could pretend he didn’t have the weight of his past on him.

No matter what he did Hux couldn’t stop what had happened to Brendol, but he would be damned if he didn’t spend the rest of his life trying to make up for his part in it.

The long hours were needed to be able to afford both his house and Brendol’s apartment, therapy, medication, university fees, his own car, and the clothing he needed to work with the clients he had. His inheritance only went so far, and he had spent most of it on the down payment for his house and on the mass of private investigators he had hired to look for his brother.

Not that any of them had turned up anything.

It didn’t matter though, his hard work would be worth it someday, Hux was sure he would make partner in another three years if he kept this up. He’d already made it four years, he could do it again. He was already the best associate they had. Then when he made partner he could breathe, then he could take a break.

Maybe by then Brendol would understand how sorry Hux was, and how much he cared for him.

His eyes ached but he wasn’t getting any sleep. He was laying on his bed with a plug inside him. Hux knew better than to invite Ben over, but he’d been masturbating to the photos Ben had sent the weekend before and he wanted him. He didn’t just want something inside him, he wanted it to be Ben.

So, he had given a list of rules. He felt like that made it alright.

Ben wasn’t allowed to make noise, if anyone saw him he would leave immediately, and he had to text to be let in instead of knocking. Hux tried to tell himself that it was okay that he was doing this instead of getting sleep. After all, tomorrow was Sunday...he had the full day off and once he kicked Ben out he could get a good sleep.

Ben would be there any minute and Hux would have to waddle downstairs and try to look enchanting while he led Ben back to his bedroom as silently as he could.

His phone lit up as a text came in and he picked it up.

_Ben: I’m here darling, come let me in before I freeze. If I do you’ll have to spend all night warming me up._   
_1:26_

Hux rolled his eyes and then carefully stood up. The feeling of the plug moving inside him was slightly awkward, but he managed to get out of bed and put on his robe. It was a black, pleated-silk robe and looked terribly sleek, he just hoped Ben appreciated it.

The stairs were slightly worse to navigate, and he clenched around the plug as he made his way down to the bottom. He tried to be as quiet as possible and he turned the knob slowly so that it wouldn’t click when it opened. As soon as it cracked open, Ben pushed his way in.

“I thought I was going to freeze my dick off.”

Ben was only in a t-shirt and obscenely tight jeans, not the right clothing for this weather. He really would have been freezing out there.

“Wouldn’t that be a loss to the world.”

Hux whispered sarcastically.

“Well I’m sure you would miss it.”

“Keep your voice down, or you’re out of here.”

Ben nudged out of his shoes and slipped an arm around Hux’s waist. The chill bit through his robe.

“Of course, General.”

Hux shot him a look before slipping out of his grip and leading him to his bedroom. Again, it was a slow walk, careful not to jar the plug inside him. He was sure Ben would appreciate the effort.

As it was, Ben was always hovering around him, his hands ghosting over his lithe body.

Ben stayed decent though until they were in Hux’s bedroom, and then Ben’s lips were on his neck, and his hands were peeling the robe right off him.

“You’re naked under here? You really know how to treat me right, baby.”

“It gets even better.”

“Oh?”

Already Hux was feeling calmer, the stress melting from him. Ben seemed to have that effect on him, but then he also knew that with Ben he was guaranteed at least one mind blowing orgasm.

“Go into the bathroom, the lube is on the warmer, and condoms are in the cupboard. When you return maybe you will be allowed to see your surprise.”

Ben stripped first, giving Hux time to climb into bed. Hux hid under the blankets, and he caught Ben’s ass as he went into the master bathroom. Hux let himself relax into the feeling of warm blankets. Hopefully the night would be good enough that he would be relaxed for another week. It was going to be busy.

Ben was just returning when Hux was still trying to figure out the best way to show off what he was wearing. He settled on his side, just so that he wouldn’t be obvious.

“You look cozy. Don’t fall asleep on me.”

His voice held promise and even though Hux stiff from a long day his body was responding. Sometimes he swore Ben had some kind of spell on him, but really he knew the truth. Hux was just so damn lonely that it took hardly anything to get him going, just having a living breathing man next to him that wasn’t related to him, would have probably been enough.

“If you don’t want me to fall asleep, then you better keep me entertained.”

Hux went to fix him with an unimpressed look, but then he really looked at Ben. He could see why he was a model. His muscles were sculpted and his thighs were thick enough to snap Hux in half. Hux often got to feel the power in them as Ben fucked him. He kept thinking that Ben must work out every day, though he didn’t know much about Ben. It kept their relationship simple that way, only coming over for sex and then leaving. He didn’t really have to worry about their agreement getting messy that way.

All he really knew was that Ben’s schedule was mostly flexible, and whatever odd hour Hux gave him for booty calls were almost always good for him.

Watching Ben crawl onto the bed made Hux glad of that. He joined Hux under the blankets and snuggled up against his back. He pressed a few kisses against Hux’s neck before he spoke. Hux has missed those plush lips.

“Do you want to show me your surprise?”

The words were spoken in a low tone, at least he was trying for quiet.

“Why don’t you get me ready.”

It was not a question, and Ben obeyed, pushing the blanket back so he didn’t get the mess on it.

“Oh.”

The one word held both Ben’s pleasure and surprise. He felt Ben’s fingers on the plug, gently rocking the base in his fingers so that Hux would feel it move inside him. Ben was careful not to hurt him, but for once Ben’s big mouth was shut.

That only lasted for a short time though.

“Did you put this in while you were thinking about me? Is that why you texted me in the middle of the night, because you wanted something bigger inside you?”

Ben pulled on the base, withdrawing the toy a little so that Hux was stretched open around the flared bulb. Ben pressed a few kisses against Hux’s freckled shoulder, as if they were silent praise.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I put it in after,” Hux lied.

Ben rocked it again and Hux gasped. This time when Ben pulled on it Hux relaxed and let him slip it all the way out. Hux could hear it being set on the nightstand and then he felt Ben’s hand in the same spot, pressing two of his fingers inside him, stretching him out. It always ached when Ben stretched him. Yet the plug wasn’t nearly as big as Ben was, so it was needed to fully prepare him.

“You look good around my fingers, baby. The only thing that looks better is when you’re around my cock.”

“Good to know that my looks can only be improved by adding you.”

Hux said sarcastically, trying to hide how his voice hitched as Ben stroked over his prostate.

“You know that’s not what I mean baby, I love how tight you are, how it looks as you struggle to take me in.”

In the last month Ben had spent time learning what Hux needed, and as soon as Hux felt like he was about to demand Ben fuck him, his fingers slid out.

Ben was snuggled up to his back again. This time, Ben wasn’t as shy and Hux could feel his hard cock pressing between his cheeks.

“You get tested recently?”

“Not recently.”

In reality it was because Ben was the only person he had been with in three years. Before that, he knew he was clean.

“We should do that babe, I really wanna come inside you. I want to watch it drip out of you.”

Hux could feel his heart pounding. He wanted that too. He wanted to feel Ben’s skin on his own. As much as he wanted it, he wasn’t about to back down. The more that he allowed Ben, the closer they got. It wouldn’t do to let Ben know he was the only one Hux was with.

“You haven’t even earned my name, what makes you think you’ve earned that?”

Ben grumbled, but instead of arguing, Hux heard the condom package being torn open and then the wet sound of the lube. It was always that part that made his stomach flutter in excitement, knowing what was about to happen.

“You ready?”

“I thought that was obvious.”

Ben grabbed his hip and pulled him back, pulling one of his legs back over his so that Hux was more open to him. He didn’t waste any time pushing the head in and then following the move through until he was fully seated inside of Hux.

“You’re so wet already, fuck I didn’t think you could actually feel any better.”

He was so much bigger than the plug, but it helped enough that it wasn’t outright painful. Hux wondered if he would ever adjust, and part of him hoped he wouldn’t.

Hux was panting at the feeling, letting Ben know just how much he liked it through whimpers and moans.

When Ben pulled back he was careful, working the tip over his prostate until Hux was shivering. His hand wandered over Hux’s chest, again playing with his nipple. It was like a spark, a second ache to match the one where Ben was fucking him.

“And you say I haven’t earned your name.”

Ben sounded genuinely annoyed.

Hux was getting so close, and he almost felt betrayed by his body.

“Say your name.”

“Make me come.”

Hux hadn’t meant to sound like he was begging, but it sure sounded that way.

The hand moved down until he gripped under Hux’s thigh, using it so that he could fuck him harder, and get in deeper. It felt amazing how Ben was able to just move him as if he weighed nothing. It was a strange feeling for someone who was 6’1, but not in a bad way. Hux loved how Ben used his body to get off, how he could just lift and move him until he was in whatever position Ben wanted. Hux couldn’t help the noises that fell from his mouth at the feeling.

“Not until you say your name. Just say it baby, and I’ll make you feel so good.””

Hux could feel his orgasm building and finally broke.

“Fuck. Fine, Hux. You can call me Hux.”

“That’s right, keep saying it.”

Hux was moaning his own name, and Ben did just as he promised, giving him what he wanted until he was coming. Ben kept thrusting through his orgasm and he started to feel over-sensitive as Ben started to use Hux’s body to find his own end.

He didn’t stop Ben even when he was trembling from the feeling. Hux was rewarded by feeling Ben come inside the condom and hearing his name repeated in Ben’s deep voice.

For a moment Hux wished he had given in to their growing closeness, wished he had told Ben the truth and told him not to use anything between them, but as always, the feeling passed.

Ben didn’t pull out. Instead he tugged Hux close and snuggled into his back. Again, Hux felt kisses against the back of his head. They were soft and almost silent, maybe he wasn’t meant to feel them.

“I’ll leave in a bit, I just want to hold you a little longer. Okay, darling?”

“You can use my name.”

“Hux doesn’t even sound like a real name.”

He could almost hear the pout in his words.

Only Ben would be combative towards him while he was still inside him. Hux laughed and reached back, pulling Ben’s arm over his side and weaving his finger in Ben’s. It was so much warmer in his bed with Ben there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben's chapter will be next, I wanted to sort of keep it like he wasn't fully real to Hux, and only as he becomes more real do we see what Ben is thinking. Thank you for all for reading and commenting! :3


	4. Chapter 4

Ben woke up to the sun filtering through the curtains and Hux’s warm body tucked in his arms. It was almost the perfect way to wake up. The only way it could be better is if Hux felt like going another round. Ben was utterly fond of his body even though he was thinner than Ben usually preferred. Hux had the most perfect little round ass. 

While Ben hadn’t meant to fall asleep and spend the night, he couldn’t be that concerned that he did. After all, he wanted to spend more time with Hux, if that even was his name. 

He looked Hux over in the morning light. Hux’s hair was light and fluffy from sleeping on it, and the dark circles under his eyes were almost gone. He looked like an angel and nothing like the odd, irritable man he really was. 

He hadn’t really planned on seeing Hux again, but Ben couldn’t help but be interested. If his mother knew about this affair, she would have said that he liked drama too much, and for once he wasn’t sure she would be wrong. It was part of why he never intended to let Leia know about it.

Hux was always either rushing Ben or scolding him, except for the times that he was naked under Ben, moaning and whimpering like he was in a porno. The memory of the night before alone was enough to make Ben’s body stir, maybe they would have time for a little something before Ben had to leave.

It wasn’t just the sex he wanted more of. Ben wanted to know what Hux liked, and more about the brother he seemed to be caring for, and even where he worked. Most the time it was the chase that interested Ben, so he wasn’t that surprised in himself because Hux was nothing but chase.

It took a month for him to get his name out of him, and there were things he was even more tight lipped about. Normally they would meet at Ben’s place, and only have time for sex, before Hux’s phone would go off with a pre-set alarm, and he would be off. Today, though Ben might have a chance, they had never spent a morning together before. 

Ben should have told him him to fuck off when he got the text, but it was like some kind of addiction so he had come over just to get another taste. Hux had probably picked the late hour just to make him suffer.

Though he supposed there was no way Hux would have known that he spent the whole day doing a shoot for the upcoming movie Under the Soil. The studio had picked him up as their favourite a few years ago, and it kept him busy between his own work. It also gave him the money and exposure he needed to build up his name. 

Hux let out a soft sigh, and Ben brushed a hand through his hair. He was just enjoying the sunlight playing through Hux’s red hair. There seemed to be so many shades, more than he thought possible. Hux’s lashes glowed like gold on his cheek as they fluttered open. Hux looked angelic. 

“What the fuck are you still doing here?”

“I fell asleep, thought I might as well see if you wanted another round.”

Any softness was gone in a flash and Hux’s face looked outright livid. 

“I am pretty sure I made it clear I didn’t want you around when my brother could see you.”

“He can’t see me while I’m in your room.”

Hux let out the most put-upon sigh Ben had ever heard and turned back onto his side away from him.

“In the future please remember I don’t want to see you unless that ridiculous cock of yours is inside me.”

That actually stung, and Ben was glad Hux didn’t see it on his face. Ben had never been good at hiding his feelings, but after a few seconds he managed put on a casual expression. 

“Not that you look at me even when I’m inside you. But darling I know when I’m not welcome, I’ll hit the road.”

He pressed a kiss to Hux’s cheek and slipped out of bed. At least his underwear and jeans were easy to find, and his shirt had just been thrown on the other side of the bed.

“May I piss in your bathroom, or is that also prohibited?”

Ben knew he sounded sullen, but as he finished dressing he was also feeling it. He just wanted one damn morning, though he supposed he did know about the brother and should have known he wasn’t going to be welcome. His mind was already making up images of this brother that was always mentioned. 

Maybe he was a hunchback that Hux was protecting, or maybe it was secretly Hux’s own child. Ben’s latest fantasy was that it was an alien that could not be seen by human eyes. It would make sense, Hux was hardly human himself.

“Use the bathroom and I’ll walk you out.”

It was a peace offering, and Ben nodded before he headed to the master bedroom. Ben took a minute to do what was needed, and then spent a little longer pulling himself together before slipping back into the bedroom. 

Hux had pulled on a pair of pajamas of deep red silk, and was wearing the black robe he had answered the door in. It was rather enchanting, and Ben found himself forgiving Hux instantly.

“Do you have everything?”

“Everything I came with, though I think I am missing one thing.”

Hux pursed his lips, but it wasn’t an angry expression. It was more like he was trying at one and failing. 

“What would that be?”

Ben tried to give one of his most charming smiles, and he could see Hux crack just a little bit. He sauntered a little closer, purposefully looking overly casual. 

“A kiss.”

The crack in Hux’s fake-irritated expression widened and Ben could see the hint of a smile pulling at Hux’s lips.

“Alright then come and get it.”

He took the last few steps and pulled Hux into his arms, revelling in how Hux melted once they were touching. Ben didn’t even have to lean in, Hux closed the remaining distance between them and met his lips. 

For someone so tense, Hux actually kissed with abandon. Even his morning breath didn’t turn Ben off. How could it, when Hux was kissing him like it was the only thing that kept him hanging on. As always Hux pulled away first, but the anger from earlier was muted, and it made Ben feel a little bit better about leaving. 

“Now that I have everything, you can walk me out.”

Hux cracked the door and peeked out, and it reminded Ben of being a teen and sneaking out of his high school boyfriend’s bedroom. Once the coast was clear Hux led him out, taking light steps so that he didn’t make unnecessary noise. They made their way down the stairs and Hux held a finger to his lips, though he didn’t actually make the shushing noise. 

Ben leaned forward and could see why. Over in the living room, the back of a head covered in long hair that looked like it was the same shade as Hux’s was visible. The next steps they took were a lot more careful, and he had almost made it to the door when the figured turned. It was odd, standing beside Hux and also seeing his face looking at Ben from across the room. 

“Armie, you didn’t tell me we had a guest!”

The voice sounded softer due to a different accent and there was a slight lisp to the words. It was so strange that at first, Ben didn’t realize that he had heard Hux’s name. 

The echo of Hux on the couch sat up and came to them. He was already dressed, in an oversized yellow t-shirt and cargo shorts. It made him look slightly younger, that and the long hair.

“He was just bringing me some papers from the office, nothing important.”

“I’m Techie.”

Ben knew this must be Brendol, the brother that Hux talked about so much.

Hux was now pushing him towards the door, but Ben knew this was Hux’s weakness. There was no way he was wasting this chance. Maybe they would get their morning together after all. He held out his hand to Techie. 

Techie tugged at the bottom of his shirt in a nervous gesture, and just when Ben was about to give up Techie accepted it and gave one quick shake.

“Ben.” 

Techie was so much softer than Hux. Not because of his looks, though. As far as Ben could tell they were startlingly identical except for their hair, and overall expression. Techie’s open face was filled with warmth and excitement.

“Are you staying for breakfast?”

“Actually, Ben was just-”

“I’d love to.”

Ben blurted out his response quickly over any objection that Hux may have.

“Great!”

He felt Hux’s elbow in his side, but instead of throwing him out Hux led him to the kitchen. Techie seemed delighted to play host, and Ben still wasn’t sure why he was hidden away, other than the fact that he seemed to be a little shy and awkward.

“We just have cereal and oatmeal, which would you like?”

“Why don’t I make us something warm, let me see what you have.”

Techie seated himself at the breakfast bar while Ben ransacked their kitchen. Hux was watching disapprovingly, but not saying anything. Ben found everything he needed for pancakes and set it out. Hux came over and helped him find a mixing bowl. 

The topping would have to be canned peaches in corn syrup, but it would do. They had both cinnamon and vanilla for the batter so it would help make up for it. Maybe he could put a little meat on Hux. He normally didn’t go for someone where he could feel all their bones when they touched, but something about Hux’s face had charmed him, and maybe a little bit of it was his cruel sense of humour. 

“Do you work with Armie?”

Techie asked in a soft voice that Ben had to strain to hear. Before he could even begin to speak through Hux cut him of.

“No, he’s just a friend who was willing to play messenger, he’s the model I met at the exhibition.”

Ben tilted his head. He would have thought there would have been no mention of him to the brother, but Techie nodded like he knew who Hux was talking about. Ben poured the first pancakes before speaking.

“The artist, actually. Kylo Ren.”

Hux looked genuinely surprised and Ben almost couldn’t believe that fact that Hux had missed that it was his show. He’d thought it was obvious, even his bit about his kissing being the artist best work. He’d done that line on a dozen men and they always got it. 

“Armie bought one of your photos.”

“Brendol.”

Hux sounded pained, but his face was defiant, just daring Ben to make a comment.

Ben didn’t need to. All he had to do was make eye contact with Hux until his cheeks turned pink. 

“What about you Techie? What do you do?”

Techie looked even more shy than before. It felt wrong seeing that expression on a face that looked just like his Hux. If Techie didn’t look younger, he would think they were identical twins. 

“I’m working on a computer science degree.”

“That’s great.”

Ben took the first batch of pancakes out and Hux held out plate, setting the whole batch in front of his brother. He was almost helping Ben cook, hovering by his side and watching their conversation in case he needed to jump in.

“He’s going to graduate pretty soon.”

Hux finally budged in, not able to just watch any longer.

“A year and a half.”

“Still, Brendol.”

Hux was proud of Techie, it showed in the way he puffed up his chest a little and the way his face softened when he looked at him. They really did look identical when Hux’s expression relaxed. 

It was a different side to Hux that Ben had never even guessed at. It was a side that Ben wanted to see more of.

Techie had ducked his head, and unlike Hux who melted in Ben’s hands every time he said a nice word, Techie didn’t seem comfortable with praise. Techie started eating his way through the pancakes on his plate to avoid responding, but he quickly started making loud noises to show his appreciation. 

“I haven’t had pancakes this good since I was little, you should come over every weekend.”

Hux opened his mouth, and Ben spoke before Hux could say anything.

“As long as I’m welcome I’ll come back next week. I always enjoy cooking for friends.”

“Of course you’re welcome! Tell Armie what you need and we can pick it up when we go grocery shopping. If you come at the same time next week we’ll both be up.”

Techie looked positively impish, but it didn’t seem possible from how Hux protected him. Ben didn’t miss how Techie was making sure to arrange everything. If he didn’t know better he would have thought that Techie wanted him there. 

“Maybe we can make it a weekly thing.”

Techie continued, and this time Ben knew it was on purpose. He saw how Techie’s eyes flicked to his brother before he looked back at his plate.

“That sounds like a great idea.”

Ben couldn’t help but look at Hux as he said it. Hux was glaring at Ben as they made the arrangement, but the anger was directed solely at Ben and not his brother. 

He looked a little less angry when Ben pushed him over to the breakfast bar and sat pancakes in front on him. Then he was too busy eating, and much to Ben’s delight they both made some pleased hums as they ate. 

In just one morning at Hux’s house, Ben had already learned more about Hux than he had in the whole last month he has spent inside Hux.


	5. Chapter 5

Hux had managed to keep his tongue all week, he really tried to avoid conversations that might become difficult. Brendol was so happy that they had a visitor, and it made Hux realise that even when he tried to protect his brother, he was still failing him. It was why he didn’t text Ben and tell him not to come, although he did pointedly ignore all the nudes that Ben was sending him, leaving him on read all week.

The only thing he responded to was the grocery list for breakfast. He wanted Ben to know that, while he was not impressed with Ben making arrangement when he knew Hux couldn’t argue, he was still welcome for breakfast. 

The one thing Hux didn’t expect though was that he felt nervous at the thought of seeing Ben again, a week felt too long without his touch, and yet he wasn’t even going to get that now. Hux wasn’t also so sure that he should continue this. 

Already it felt like it was getting messy. All he had wanted was someone to get off with so he didn’t have to feel so alone. Hux didn’t want someone who would interfere with their life. Brendol needed stability, and Hux didn’t want to risk it with some stranger. The more that Ben was in his house the more he could damage that stability.

It only made Hux more anxious to think about it, but at least he could trust Ben to be normal around Brendol for breakfast, he had already proved it once. 

He wasn’t friends with Ben, so the whole situation felt odd, it was that fact that finally made Hux speak. 

“Why did you invite a stranger over for breakfast?”

Brendol was still in his pajamas, like the other mornings he hadn’t bothered to get dressed while they waited for Ben. His hair was up in a messy ponytail and he looked just like the image of comfort. 

He was sitting at the breakfast bar with a glass of orange juice, slurping it through a straw. 

“He’s not a stranger, or you wouldn’t have invited him over. You’ve had two people over the whole time I’ve been here and both you’ve worked with for years.”

“He was just here to drop off papers.”

Brendol’s disbelief was plain on his face and when Hux opened his mouth to argue, Brendol cut him off.

“I heard you that night, I know he spent the night. When I passed your room on the way to the bathroom I could hear you screaming your own fucking name.”

He knew Brendol was using facts so that he couldn’t wiggle out of it, his tone was amused and pleased. As if he was happy to have trapped Hux. 

“Language Brendol.”

Hux couldn’t really argue with the rest, though he was feeling properly mortified. He couldn’t really complain about Brendol’s language either, when Hux first picked him from rehab Brendol had had a mouth that would make a sailor blush. In the last three years he had gotten much better, but only because he had worked on it.

“I know you wouldn’t invite over someone you didn’t trust, not since I returned. Maybe I just wanted to get to know one of your friends. Besides I’m allowed to invite people over, aren’t I?” 

Brendol was manipulating him in such a disarming way that Hux almost didn’t see what he was doing, pointing out that he had never invited anyone to the house. It was a survival tactic left over from living with MaMa, he doubted that Brendol really realised he was doing it either. Not that Hux could really argue, as much as he wanted to. Everything Brendol said was true.

“Alright.”

Brendol slipped off the breakfast bar and walked close enough to elbow Hux.

“I like it when you bring people over. One of us should have someone else right?”

Brendol had so much hope on his face, and it told Hux everything, in a way they were both lonely together. Hux couldn’t stay annoyed, and he offered Brendol a smile so that his brother knew it as well. Hux was pretty sure he would let Brendol get away with murder. 

Before he could speak again the doorbell interrupted them. 

“I’ll get dressed, you get the door.”

With that Brendol smirked at him and dashed up the stairs. Hux almost wished he was staying, he felt a little awkward seeing Ben again, but he was sure this was planned as well so they would have a little time alone with Ben.

Hux wasn’t one to dawdle though, so he crossed through the dining room and into the front hall. He didn’t even pause before opening the door.

Ben was on his front porch with one small storage container in his hand, and a cast iron pan in the other. 

“I didn’t know if you were gong to let me in.”

Hux wondered how someone so big could look like a wounded puppy, his hair tucked back to show his giant ears. Hux wondered how he had missed them in all the times they had slept together, they looked perfect to nibble on. He raised his hand to touch one and then paused and dropped it again.

“Yes, well this is for Brendol.”

“Why do you call him that? He seems to like his nickname better.”

For a second Hux forgot himself.

“I’m not calling him the name some animals picked out for him like he was some sort of pet to-”

Hux has to stop himself, he took a few deep breaths and hated that Ben had seen that side of him. After he dug his nails into his palms he felt steady again. He didn’t want to let Ben get closer to either of them, even if Brendol thought otherwise. 

“What animals?”

He couldn’t really put the cat back in the bag but he could pretend it didn’t happen.

“It’s not important, you should come in before we let all the warm air out.”

He still felt shaky, and Ben’s arms slipped around him. He could feel the pan against his back, and hated that it made him feel better to be held. There was a soft kiss pressed in the crook of his neck. Hux knew he should complain, but Hux also knew Techie was upstairs getting dressed so he would have a at least a few seconds to enjoy it again. 

Worse of all Hux had missed Ben.

He would have to keep up their booty calls at Ben’s house, to get it out of his system. Hux couldn’t allow this to continue where Brendol might see. 

When he fully relaxed Ben let go and walked past him and through to the kitchen.

He set the pan down on the element, and turned it on and put the little container on the counter.

“Would you like to help me again?”

Hux was relieved that they were both just going to pretend his outburst hadn’t happened, so he nodded, helping was the least he could do. He started taking out all the items that Ben had requested from the list. From what he could tell it was some sort of cornbread.

“What’s in there?”

Hux pointed at the little container as Ben started opening it. 

“Bacon drippings.”

Already Hux was unsure he wanted to eat whatever Ben was cooking up. If he had had breakfast and not been starving, he might have just skipped it.

“I hope that’s not going inside it.”

As he said that Ben used a spoon to scoop it into the warming pan.

“Of course, it is. Wouldn’t be coush coush if it didn’t have them.”

Hux made a face at the melting grease, and then looked back at Ben, watching him as he got out a bowl. Hux stayed at his side while he mixed up the batter, the only time he would stop was to swirl the grease around the pan. 

“It better taste good.”

“It will.”

Ben sounded positively sure of himself.

For the moment Hux backed off, letting a hand trail over Ben’s back as he moved to the breakfast bar. The small touch had made Ben tense, and just as he was about to ask Ben if maybe he would visit again that night he heard footsteps on the stairs. 

Brendol still had his hair up in a ponytail, with his neck tattoo showing, but this time he was in an orange long-sleeved shirt and oversized jeans. Everything Brendol owned was comfortable, when Hux had taken him shopping all he had wanted were things he could hide in. Slowly Hux had been working in clothing that fit him a little better, but he wasn’t going to force anything. Hux would prefer that Brendol was comfortable rather than tidy. 

“Smells good down here.”

“It’ll take a bit to cook, so settle in.”

It felt so warm, the two of them watching Ben pour the batter into the pan and then clean up after himself. Hux offered to help but it was waved away, and for a moment Hux understood what Brendol must have felt the last time. 

It really like an echo of their childhood, waiting for their mother to make them breakfast in the morning. There were differences though, but that didn’t stop the distant feeling of how it had been to have a home and not just a house. How it felt to have someone who love him.

The feeling followed him through breakfast, even as he was given milk and syrup to eat his coush coush with. When Ben sat with them, pulling his chair close enough so that their legs kept bumping, it only deepened. Each time making Hux look over at Ben and see a face that he had seen a dozen times and yet never really looked at. 

He was so much more handsome than Hux had remembered, with the perfect curve of his bottom lip, and the eyes that seemed to hold and show every emotion he had ever had. Ben looked so content, and Hux wanted some of that, and by having him around, felt like he had a little of it.

Much to Hux’s annoyance the food was as good as Ben had promised, sweet with a little bit of a crunch when he hit the broken-up pieces of the crust. It was also being terribly filling. Yet Hux still ate every bite that was served to him. 

When Ben collected his dish he felt Ben’s hand against his back, ghost light and just perfectly in the small of his back. Hux shivered at the touch and shook his head. 

Hux slipped out of the chair and came to Ben’s side. 

“You cooked, let me clean up these at least.”

“Alright, Armie.”

“You may call me Hux, or nothing at all.”

He snapped, and could hear Brendol sniggering behind them.

Ben looked amused as always, and much to Hux’s chagrin he slipped an arm around his waist. It felt odd in front of Brendol, every touch of Ben’s hands burned him. 

He shook it off and gave Ben a look to tell him ‘not now’, or at least that’s what he hoped it conveyed. 

Before either of them could speak Brendol broke in.

“I think I ate too much, I’m going to head upstairs and take a nap. Thank you for breakfast Ben, we’ll see you same time next week?”

Brendol was giving Hux a look that he knew, it was the same one that Techie had given when he said one of them should have someone else. As soon as Ben nodded in agreement Brendol snuck out of the room, leaving him alone with Ben.

“Don’t look so scared, I’m not going to eat you-”

Ben pulled him back into his arms, pressing a kiss against his cheek. He wondered if this was what drowning was like, slipping under over his head and then slowly giving into the inevitable. Yet he wasn’t quite ready to let go.

“Not unless you want me to.”

The next kiss was against his neck and Hux tilted his head to allow his access. Ben’s lips were terribly soft, and then a wet flick of his tongue shot spikes down into Hux’s stomach. Hux felt himself trembling as the kisses left a wet trail down his neck, Ben’s hands trailing down his body. He put his hands on Ben’s chest to steady himself. 

“Ben.”

It sounded like someone else was speaking, Hux’x voice was so breathy. 

Ben paused for just a moment, and then sucked a small bruise just under where his collar would lay. 

“Yeah, baby?”

The endearments again, he had thought maybe they were gone once Ben had a name, but maybe Hux wasn’t entirely annoyed to hear it.

“Brendol’s in the house.”

Ben pulled himself up to his full height and rested his forehead against Hux’s holding onto him like Hux would disappear if he let go.

“I don’t want to wait another week to have you Hux.”

“Tonight, come back tonight and we can use my office, It’s downstairs so he won’t hear us.”

Hix office had a chaise lounge, he would have to bring supplies in there. It wouldn’t be perfect but at least they could touch each other in private, and if Brendol needed him he could throw on his robe and run upstairs.

Hux felt Ben’s lips against his own, hungry as if was years they had spent apart instead of just one week. Then his hands were roaming down and Hux was lifted as if he weighted nothing. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had held him like this, and it only made him want Ben more. 

He wrapped his legs around Ben’s waist, and kept kissing him, his hands roaming over his chest and lingering over the nipple he could just barely feel. It already felt like the night would be so far away. 

Hux shifted the kiss, moving across his cheek. It was hard while he was being held, but he managed to get his lips on Ben’s earlobe. He sucked on it, and felt a little tremor in Ben as he did. 

“Darling, we should get tested. I don’t care if we have to be monogamous, I really wanna come inside you.”

Ben’s voice was hardly a whisper, but Hux felt the sting of jealousy as if Ben had shouted the words in his face. He hadn’t thought that Ben might be seeing other people, but then with how they had met and Ben’s stamina it made sense that Ben would have someone else for when Hux turned him down. 

The thought made him dig his nails into Ben’s shoulder where he was hanging on. 

Hux hated the thought of sharing, he never was any good at it. He kissed just below his lobe before speaking.

“Alright, we’ll find a time next week.”

He wasn’t going to risk having Ben see the other person again. As long as he decided to keep Ben around it would only be the two of them. He pulled back enough that he could look into Ben’s eyes.

“Yeah?”

Ben’s brown eyes held so much warmth, his expression soft. Hux didn’t want anyone else to see this. 

“Yeah.”


	6. Chapter 6

He should have been getting ready for Hux. Instead, he was staring at his sister, who shouldn’t even be there. Maybe it was his own fault for ignoring the last ten texts and the half dozen phone calls from his mother, but he hadn’t moved over thirty-five hundred kilometres for no reason. Somehow it wasn’t far enough. 

“Ben, even if you don’t want to come home for mom, you have to do it for me.”

Rey’s accent was heavier than his own, but her English sounded natural. It had taken Ben years to manage that. She was drowning in one of his hoodies, as she hadn’t brought enough warm clothing of her own. It should have made her look childish, and yet the serious look she had on her face reminded him of their mom. 

“Now is just not a good time.”

Rey had that determined look on her face, and as she’d already driven for four days to get to him, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get out of. In fact, he knew he would be going. He would just have to whittle the days down to a more manageable amount.

“Well I’m sorry dad picked a bad time to have a heart attack, but I know you don’t have anything to keep you here. Also, I can tell that you are lying because you won’t tell me what it is.”

Her voice held accusation and Ben knew he was going to have to tell her.

“I’ve just started seeing someone, it’s still shaky. If I leave now I don’t think he will wait for me.”

It sounded ridiculous, but he couldn’t remember the last time he actually wanted to be with someone. Normally all he wanted was a good fuck and to be left alone. Yet Hux had drawn him in, had kept teasing him until Ben wanted more. He didn’t realize that at some point his feelings had changed.

Ben would admit he was falling for him, and Hux agreeing to get tested with him had been a big step. They had gone together and Hux had even held his hand on the walk back to his car. 

“Benoît, if you don’t come home I will never forgive you.”

He could hear it in her voice that she meant it. As she was the only one in his family he actually really liked, Ben wasn’t quite ready to say no again.

“I’m serious, if I leave now I doubt I will have anyone to come back to. We both know Han’s going to be fine, or you wouldn’t be here.”

He wished that he had a secondary excuse, but his show had finished and he didn’t have any shoots for the next week. Ben really had the time to go back and visit his father, but there was too many uncomfortable feelings in their old house. There was also the list of rules. 

He tried to avoid it other than a quick one day visit on Leia’s birthday. 

“If he’s worth anything he will wait a few weeks. Two weeks.”

Ben let out a long sigh. 

“I can fly down, maybe for three days.”

“No, I drove the falcon up here. I am not doing another four-day drive alone. You’re coming back with me, and you can fly back after you stay for two weeks.”

The alarm went off on his phone, warning him that Hux would be there in a few minutes. 

“We’ll talk about the two weeks, with the drive included, but as I told you before, right now you have to get out of here.” 

He grabbed his wallet off the counter and took out forty dollars. Ben held the bills out and after a few seconds Rey snatched it. 

“I’ll be back in an hour, so you better be fast.”

“Two hours.”

Rey gave him a stony look, but finally she nodded and grabbed her purse from where she had thrown it on his table

Her bags were still on the floor and Ben picked them up and threw them into his ‘office’ so she could sleep on the futon in there. The doorbell went off and he hurried to answer it. Hux didn’t like to be kept waiting. 

Much to his displeasure he could see that Hux was speaking with Rey, she shot Ben a look of sheer disgust over her shoulder before she pushed past Hux and out of his house. 

Hux was looking positively smug. 

“Saying goodbye to your last tart, were you?”

Although the tone was light, Ben could hear the hints of tension in him, like how he had been when Ben had mentioned being monogamous. He realised it must have been the hoodie, he’d worn it during one of the late night meetups to keep from freezing while he waited for Hux to answer the door.

“What did you say to her?”

“I told her,” Hux paused and cupped Ben’s crotch in his hand.

“That this is mine now, and that she could say goodbye to the best cock she’s ever had.”

Ben was managed to hold back the almost hysterical laughter that was trying to escape, only to ask the most important question.

“The best cock?”

Hux rubbed at the front of his jeans, and something about the possessive way Hux was acting was really doing it for him. It was the only reason that Ben didn’t immediately tell Hux that Rey was his little sister. He slipped his arms around Hux and felt how he leaned in, pressing his body against Ben’s own. There was always something wild and desperate in Hux, something that Ben was rather fond of. 

“Exaggeration for dramatic effect, you know.”

Ben cupped Hux’s bottom in his hands. He had a perfect little round ass for someone so thin, and Ben kneaded it, knowing how good it would feel around him. Even better this time now that there would be nothing between them. Ben had been wanting this for months. 

Hux tilted his head and Ben took the invitation, laying kisses just below his ear. 

“Maybe we could change that.” 

He murmured before nipping the tender skin.

“You’re welcome to try.”

Hux sounded desperate, and it was just how Ben liked him. He knew they had a whole two hours to themselves, and he wanted to really enjoy it. 

Ben picked him up, and as if he was asked, Hux wrapped his legs around his waist, clinging to him. His bedroom wasn’t far from the door, but Ben took his time, so that he could enjoy holding Hux.

Once they arrived he kicked the door shut behind them and carried Hux to his bed to set him down on it. Hux let himself flop down, the heat in his expression plain on his face. He was already working on his shirt and Ben stripped off his t-shirt and out of his sweatpants before Hux even finished with his dress shirt. 

Ben tugged the last button free and ran his hands over Hux’s soft stomach. The differences between Hux’s body and his attitude was so additive to Ben. Hux seemed like he was all sharp edges, but his body was soft and so welcoming. 

He dragged his nails lightly downwards and undid the buttons on Hux’s fly. With that Ben tugged them off and was left with the wonderful image he wanted. Hux in only his underwear, a pair of black briefs. Ben moved between his legs and pressed kisses over his stomach while he dragged the underwear down Hux’s thighs and off his feet. He moved down further, over his stomach, feeling soft hair against his lips as Ben nipped at the pale skin there.

A hand dug into his hair and tugged lightly. It made Ben moan against his stomach and Hux only pulled a little harder.

Ben moved lower, his lips brushing the base of his cock. He licked out and felt Hux twitch. He wouldn’t be able to satisfy himself with licking and kissing his shaft, but he did start there. Hux always felt perfect under his lips and while he did enjoy teasing him by kissing around the base of his cock, now he no longer felt the need to stop there. Ben took his time, licking his way up until he could take the tip into his mouth. 

Ben felt the hand tighten in his hair again and his skin felt tight as he took more of Hux in his mouth. Already feeling excitement at not having to stop. 

Hux tasted slightly bitter, and Ben loved it. h=He would suck dick for hours, making Hux squirm from oversensitivity if he had the time. For now though he was just working him up. 

Even though Hux was already fully hard, he was the perfect size for Ben. He could take most of him into his mouth without choking and he used one hand to hold the base. Ben loved feeling every vein in his cock against his tongue, and the way Hux tensed under him. 

Hux was always noisy in bed and this was no different. He was making the cutest little squeaks and moans. Ben wasn’t sure Hux even realized he was doing it, he’d probably stop if Ben ever mentioned it. 

Ben finally popped off, flicking his tongue over his glans before speaking.

“Pass me the lube, baby.” 

There was a pause as Hux pulled himself together to reach under Ben’s pillow and toss the bottle down to him. 

He took it and squeezed some on a few of his fingers, coating them and allowing it to warm a little before pressing between Hux’s plump cheeks and fingering his hole. Hux tensed at first, and Ben waited for him to relax, rubbing his finger over the pucker, but not forcing it. When Hux started to relax it was easy to push a finger inside him.

It made his cock throb just to feel how tight Hux was, and he could hardly think past his need to be inside him again. Ben wasn’t sure how he could stay away for two weeks when half a week felt like torture. 

With his free hand he brought Hux’s cock to his mouth again, swirling his tongue around it as he took it in deeper. Hux was starting to relax under his touch again and a second finger joined the first inside of Hux. 

He was careful not to force it, listening to what Hux’s body was telling him. Although Hux was always impatient, right now he seemed even more than normal, as if he had to prove to Ben that he belonged to Hux. The hand in his hair was so tight it felt like he was going to pull his hair out. 

“Ben, more. Please.”

Ben loved hearing him beg, so he didn’t relent, hoping to hear more. He only gave Hux a third finger when he felt that Hux’s body was ready. 

Ben enjoyed slowly stretching him out. He moved back, letting Hux’s cock slip from between his lips so he could watch Hux as well. See how tight he looked when Ben spread out his fingers. His cock throbbed at the sight.

“I’ll take back what I said.”

Hux threatened as he pushed against Ben’s fingers, but from the position he was in it was hard to get what he wanted. Ben let his fingers slip in deeper, finding his prostate and gently brushing it until Hux seemed satisfied. He really wanted to enjoy looking at Hux, normally he just turned over and gave Ben his back. It wasn’t often Ben got to see his expressions. 

For someone who was normally so stiff, Hux’s face was a whirl of expression. His eyes closed, but his eyelashes fluttered each time Ben rubbed against his prostate. Lips that were normally pulled tight were relaxed, letting Ben see how full his bottom lip was. His eyebrows would sometimes pinch together when Ben was working his prostate.

He really was handsome in a way that took Ben’s breath away, and now he was all Ben’s. 

He wasn’t sure when he has started feeling like this, the warmth that filled him, just from Hux’s pleasure. 

“I’m ready Ben.”

Hux said, urging Ben on, as if he didn’t want it as well. Ben just wanted it to last, he wanted to savour his first time not having to use protection with Hux. Enjoy the taste of his precome and the way that Hux looked when he was enjoying himself.

Ben couldn’t hold back any more though. He wanted this just as badly, so he slowly slid his fingers out of Hux and pressed a kiss against Hux’s hip as he wiped his fingers on the sheets.

Hux started to turn over and Ben stopped him.

“If you’re the only one I am fucking, then I want to see your face.”

Jealousy seemed to work with Hux, and he sat up enough that he could pull Ben to him. 

“Sit on the bed, I’ll remind you just who you are with.”

Ben didn’t listen right away, kissing Hux’s little nipple and kissing a trail up to his lips until Hux pulled on his hair hard enough to hurt. Only then did he fully get on the bed and crawl to the head where he could sit. He hardly had time to position himself before Hux was in his lap, his hand on one of Ben’s pecs, pushing him against the headboard. 

Hux was looking into Ben’s eyes as he grabbed the lube and reached behind him with his free hand. It took a little doing and the lubricant was cold against Ben’s cock, but Hux seemed to know what he was doing. 

Ben didn’t mind it so much when it was immediately followed by Hux pushing himself down onto him. It felt amazing, feeling Hux’s hole stretching around him, the warmth of his body and the slick of the lubricant. Most of all he loved seeing Hux’s expression while he took him, his nails digging into Ben’s chest just a little as he finally settled in his lap. 

Hux was so tight around him and it took a few second for both of them to adjust to it. Ben bit his lip and took it all in. 

“Fuck that curve on your cock is better than I thought it would be,” Hux said, with his voice all breathy. 

Ben had heard that before, but never from Hux. They had never faced each other before, Hux had never felt him rubbing perfectly into his prostate.

Ben brought his hands up around Hux, holding his hips so that he could move with him a little better, and help give him the angle he wanted. Hux had never ridden him before and as soon as he started Ben knew he had missed out. Hux was almost angry in the way he moved, making Ben fuck him, even before Ben started to move his hips to meet him. 

Whenever he started to look down to watch where he was entering Hux, Hux would grab his jaw, forcing him to look at his face as if Hux wanted him to remember just who it was he was fucking. Ben didn’t mind the lubricant on his fingers, in fact the whole thing was really doing something for him. He liked seeing Hux like this, determined and so focused on him. 

“I bet she doesn’t feel this good,” Hux panted out in between little moans. 

Ben winced, and tried to ignore the words. He didn’t want to tell Hux yet, not when he was working his jealousy out on Ben’s cock, but he also really didn’t want his sister brought into this situation. 

“Let’s not talk about anyone else, I just wanna concentrate on how you feel around me.”

Hux’s expression softened, as if he was content with the answer. 

“That’s right, I’m so much better.”

“You’re amazing.”

Hux tightened his grip on Ben’s jaw so that it almost hurt. 

“I’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

“Fuck, yes.”

It was all he could manage as Hux started to move a little faster, leaning forward just enough that their lips could meet. It was hard to hold back when Hux felt so good, and with the tongue pressing into his mouth he moaned against the feeling. 

He dragged a hand off Hux’s hip and dropped it down between them so that he could start to jerk Hux off. He could feel that Hux was already leaking and that Ben wasn’t the only one struggling to hold on. It took only a few strokes before Hux came between them, making the best little sounds in his mouth.

Ben kept fucking him through his orgasm, moving his hand back to his hip to help him keep moving.

“Close.”

Ben warned between kisses and much to his dismay, Hux pulled back. 

“I want to watch you when you come.”

Ben couldn’t even find the words to reply, it only took a few more thrusts before he felt his balls tighten and then he was spilling into Hux. He’d never been able to watch Hux like this before, and maybe Hux was feeling the same way about the experience. It was so much more intimate. 

Ben couldn’t help himself, he pulled Hux in for another kiss, wanting him now just as much as he had before. 

As soon as their lips parted, Hux slumped in his lap, resting his head against Ben’s shoulder. Normally they cleaned up right away after they finished, but Hux seemed in no rush. This time he stayed where he was, and Ben started to gently rub his back, enjoying the relaxed touch. He liked this change, it felt nice to hold Hux in his arms afterwards. 

Ben turned his head and pressed a kiss against Hux’s forehead. It was more than nice, it felt right. Maybe this really was a change in their relationship for the better. 

Both of them felt comfortable in the silence stretching between them and at some point Hux pulled a blanket up around them. It was like there wasn’t a time limit. That Hux’s alarm wouldn’t pull them apart in a little while. 

Finally, Ben felt the need to let Hux know who Rey was. There was only so far that he felt comfortable taking this. 

“The girl you saw, she wasn’t an ex. She’s my little sister. I’m gay, I’ve never even been with a girl. I should have told you sooner, but you’re so hot when you get jealous.”

Hux let out a huff that sounded a lot like laughter. 

“I wasn’t jealous. I just wanted to remind you of your place. Your place being under me.”

He felt relief that Hux wasn’t angry, in fact he seemed perfectly content to nap against his chest with Ben’s softening cock inside him. Though Ben also didn’t believe a word he had said. He knew jealousy when he saw it.

Ben pressed a second kiss to Hux’s forehead. He didn’t want to bring up his trip and ruin the moment, but the sooner he started to prepare Hux for it the more likely it would go well. 

“Rey is actually here for a reason.”

Hux was quiet as if he was waiting for the story. When Ben didn’t speak again he finally prompted.

“Yes?”

“My father had a heart attack last week, I have to go home for a few weeks.”

There was another pause and then Hux straightened up so that he was the same height as Ben. His expression was unsure.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s no big deal he’s already out of the hospital. I don’t want you to think I was just waiting for this and then taking off. I’ll video chat you every Sunday and I’ll walk you through how to make breakfast for Brendol.” 

“That’s appreciated, Brendol does better with routine.”

Hux seemed a little stiff and Ben pulled him back to his chest, he didn’t want this to end over a few weeks. He needed to make sure Hux wouldn’t find someone else while he was away.

“I was also hoping you wouldn’t mind doing a few chats with me yourself, once you were tucked into bed. You know, just to make sure I don’t forget my rightful place.”

The stiffness melted a little, and he felt an arm sneaking around him as he slumped down against his chest again. 

“I suppose I could find some time.”

“Thank you, darling.”

That went better than expected. Hopefully the weeks would pass in no time and he could be right back here before Hux even missed him.


	7. Chapter 7

It had only been one week, and after a long Monday Hux curled up next to his computer. They had been doing this every night, other than Sunday when Ben had walked him through making pain perdu. Both him and Brendol had enjoyed the experience and it really hadn’t felt like Ben was that far away. Plus, Hux had to admit it had tasted wonderful. Much better than the cold cereal or oatmeal he normally ate.

It wasn’t even just the food, Ben had turned their Sundays into a day that felt like home, when Brendol was actually laughing and Hux could almost feel their childhood. Their nightly calls weren’t bad either.

After a few minutes of waiting Ben’s username lit up and a video call came through.

Ben’s hair was messy, his big ears peeking out and his face warm. The annoyance that was hanging onto Hux left and he couldn’t help but smile. Hux wanted to nibble on his ear, over the weeks he had gotten so fond of seeing them. 

Ben was wearing a muscle shirt and his underwear, but there was a small orange kitten perched on his chest. Normally he was sans both clothing and kitten, with his half hard cock already in his hand. It made Hux glad he was still in his robe. 

“Hey darling, what do you think of her?”

Ben gave the kitten the softest pet, she looked tiny in his huge hands. Hux had never been too fond of pets, though he did enjoy the picture he was seeing. It reminded him of how Ben was Sunday mornings with Brendol. He really could be sweet when his cock wasn’t out. Sometimes even when it was.

“Small, is she your family’s cat?”

Ben shook his head.

“Dad made me take him down to the marina today to make sure that Rey and Chewie were taking care of the business. He heard some mewing under the dock, someone had thrown a bag of kittens in. I jumped in to grab it, but only two made it. I think I’m going to keep her, I’m pretty fond of little red heads. Rey is going to keep the other one.”

Hux shook his head, of course Ben would jump into the water to save a bunch of kittens, putting his own safety at risk. He never seemed to think about what he was doing.

Pointedly ignoring the comment about redheads he pursed his lips at the thought of Ben’s sister. If it hadn’t been bad enough with what he had said to her at the door. Later she had come home early and when he has stumbled out of Ben’s bedroom to get them both water from the fridge, while Ben changed the sheets at Hux’s request, he had walked into the kitchen in nothing only a pair of Ben’s boxers to see her sitting at the table. 

He was pretty sure there was no saving what she thought of him. Ben had laughed the first time they videoed, telling him how Rey called Hux his gross boyfriend. Ben had then reassured Hux that she knew that he wasn’t really Ben’s boyfriend. Though Hux hadn’t hated the title as much as he thought he would have. 

“How is your sister?”

“Good, she still thinks you’re a weird pervert.”

Hux shook his head, and then quickly changed the subject.

“What did you name your cat?”

“I haven’t decided, I was hoping you would help me pick.”

Hux frowned and then typed something into the search engine, he looked at the top three. 

“How about Millicent, it means work, because a pet is an awful lot of work to take on.”

Ben laughed, the reaction Hux had hoped for, and he picked the kitten up.

“Millie, I like it.”

Ben looked utterly charming no matter how snippy Hux was being and it made him feel warm inside. It was like Ben understood that he didn’t mean it in a cruel way. Even though Hux wasn’t fond of pets, he would admit the little thing seemed happy to be on Ben’s chest. 

Hux knew the feeling, he liked to be on Ben’s chest as well. His cheeks felt sore was smiling and he didn’t even know why. Ben just had that effect on him. 

“I thought this call was going to be a lot different.”

Hux admitted, pulling his robe fully closed. Part of him hated that they weren’t getting off, and that he was content with that. That at some point, just seeing Ben’s stupid face was enough to make his long day feel a little better. He wanted to sit here and listen to Ben talk about his stupid cat. 

Hux enjoyed more than just sex. The thought sat in his stomach like a lump, and he told himself it was normal when you spend so much time with someone.

“Sorry babe, if you want I can tuck her back into her box.”

Ben sat up a little more and ran his fingers through his hair, some of it sticking to his hand. It was uncomfortable to know that at some point he had allowed feeling to grow if even just a little. There wasn’t time for this, he could never do more than this. It was why he tried to keep feelings out of it. 

“She has a box?”

“A shoe box, I ripped up an old t-shirt so she can hide if she needs.” 

It was ridiculous, and so much like the Ben he knew. He goes away for a few weeks and ends up with a kitten. He thought about how warm Ben had been to him and Brendol, Ben always seemed to be taking in strays.

“I guess I’m going to meet her in a few days, aren’t I?”

“I can’t wait.”

Ben let out a long sigh and Hux could feel it, Ben really did was to return. 

“Is it that bad there?”

Hux found he actually cared, he wished he could brush Ben’s hair back behind his hair and be the ones in Ben’s arms instead of the cat. Just watching him on his computer screen wasn’t enough.

“It’s just a reminder that I don’t fit in here and I never did. Mom has all these rules, and I feel like a child again. Being gone has also just made it so much more obvious what a golden child Rey is. She speaks perfect French with her perfect boyfriend and is perfectly taking over dad’s business. I feel like every time I come back the first day I am stumbling over my words from lack of use. I can just see Mom’s disappointment. She spends her day trying keep our culture alive and then she has to come home and see me.”

Hux wouldn’t have placed his accent as French, but he just listened. He wanted to know more about Ben, about the lonely boy who grew up to become someone so warm. Hux had done the opposite in his loneliness, pulling in on himself until he found his brother again.

“I’m sure you’re not, you’re a successful artist.”

Even as Hux said it, it sounded hollow. His father hadn’t cared what university he got into, he could always do better. He knew what it was to always be a disappointment. Until his dying day his father than never once found something in Hux to be proud of.

“A successful artist that never visits, and hardly calls.”

“I’m lucky then, because that leaves more time for me.”

Ben’s warm smile came right back, and he rolled over onto his side. Millicent tumbled to his bed and made a loud mew as if scold him. 

Hux’s eyes flicked down and could clearly see the outline of Ben’s cock in the thin boxer briefs, even soft it looked large.

“It sure does.”

/

Ben was supposed to be home the day before, and yet Hux had only got a text telling him he would be delayed. There was a second text this morning setting up a time for a conversation, and a short message telling Hux they needed to talk. 

It made Hux’s stomach turn to think that maybe he was done with Hux and this was his easy way of dumping him. Hux could already hear it, Ben telling him he wanted something new to come home to, and that the all the talking that they had been doing while Ben was away, was too just much. 

As always, even though Ben set up the time he was late. Hux was fully dressed this time, preparing himself for what he was sure was about to happen. As much as he hated the thought of it, he hated not knowing for sure more. 

His jaw was aching from grinding his teeth, but it was always a habit when he was stressed out, and without seeing Ben for the last few days he hadn’t had anyway to work it off. 

At least Ben has still helped them with breakfast the Sunday before he disappeared, Brendol had started counting on it, and Hux wasn’t sure how he would tell him that it wasn’t going to happen.

When he heard the noise of the video call Hux only tensed more, but he accepted and a picture he didn’t expect showed up.

Ben always looked handsome, messy but somehow that look worked for him. This was different, his hair was limp, like he hadn’t washed it recently, and he had dark circles under his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes looked slightly bloodshot, and his expression sided on pitiful. 

Hux softened just a little bit, maybe it wasn’t what he thought.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Ben.”

There was a long pause and he could tell that Ben was pulling himself together to say whatever it was he needed to.

“I. My father died.”

Ben’s voice cracked as he said the last word, like he was trying to hold himself together, and he ducked his head again.

He was silent for a while, and now that Hux knew he wasn’t going to be dumped he took pity on him.

“I thought he was fine?”

“He had a… sudden cardiac arrest, there was nothing I could do.”

The way he said it made it sound like he was there, like he had witnessed his father die. Hux didn’t know what to say, he knew what it was to have a complicated relationship with his parents. What could he say? That he was sorry they didn’t have more time, that he was sorry that his father hadn’t been around for him. None of the things he could say would make any difference. 

“I’m sorry.”

It was all Hux could manage as he watched the pain on Ben’s face. Unlike when Hux’s own father had died, Ben looked cut to the core. 

“I have to stay here, help with the funeral, help Rey figure out dad’s half of the business.”

Ben’s voice was thick like he was struggling not to shed any tears. The wet sound of someone choking back their pain. 

“Forever?”

Ben shrugged.

“No, just until things are running well again here a month, maybe two. You think you can wait?”

The last part he said it as if it was a joke, like Hux was just going to let him go just like that. 

“I can, we can continue our physical relationship through video chat like we have been, and on Sundays you can keep your standing morning date with my brother.”

He told himself that it worked in his schedule, and no other reason. After all he didn’t have time to find another booty call.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been five weeks since he left the city and Ben was grateful to be back. Even It was only for a two nights. He was starting to feel like he was a teen again, lost in his family home and yet not really fitting like everyone else. It didn’t help that Leia was grieving her husband the way she dealt with most emotions, by keeping as busy as she possibly could manage. It only added another wall between them.

In a way, he took after her and used the marina to keep himself busy. His marine mechanics licence had lapsed, but there was still a lot he could do there. So him and Rey dug in.

This felt like the first break, and on the flight his mind had been filled with thoughts of his father. It left him feeling heavy and angry, but he needed to return, so he could do a shoot for the studio. Thankfully he wouldn’t need many props and could manage it in two days. Even better, he was going to be able to stay with Hux.

It wasn’t Hux’s idea that he stay with him. The last Sunday when he had thought Brendol was out of the room he had asked if Hux would be able to watch Millie so he could bring her with him. He was so busy helping Rey at the shop the poor little thing didn’t get as much attention as she deserved. He thought since Brendol was home most of the time, she could get a little more love during the day. Brendol had only been out of his view and had not only agreed to watch his cat, but had asked if Ben would be staying there while he was back in town.

Hux had stumbled over his reply, at first saying there wasn’t room, but Brendol hadn’t let him wiggle out of it. It almost made Ben wonder what Brendol got out of it; maybe he just liked to see his brother angrily blush. 

Ben knew that he had given Rey one hell of a time when she had started dating Finn.

Ben was glad, whatever the reason. He wanted to see Hux more, and he still had at least another two weeks before he could fully return. This would give them a few good hours. The video chats just weren’t enough, he wanted to feel Hux’s bare skin against his own. He wanted someone to hold him so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.

Technically he could have probably gone to a bar and found someone. But he didn’t just want anyone, he wanted Hux.

As he pulled into the driveway Millie made a little mew to protest the sudden stop.

Ben was surprised at himself. He actually felt nervous about leaving her, even if it would be better for her. She was the last thing Ben and his father had gotten together, and she felt like the last line he had to Han once he finished the paperwork to sell his quarter of the marina to Rey. He wanted to be able to watch over the little orange cat, but taking her to work meant Millie was bored, and leaving her at home meant she was alone. So, in the end this would be better until he could fully return.

His feelings had been complicated since his father had died: a little bitter at losing Han, a little angry that they hadn’t had the father son relationship he had always wanted... and, most of all he hated that he hadn’t been able to do anything other than hold his father’s hand while they waited for the ambulance. By the time it arrived it was too late, and he was left alone holding his father’s body until they had taken him away.

Most of all, he felt robbed. Robbed of the time he thought they had, that maybe someday they would become close again.

Ben tried not to think about it, but he couldn’t forget it, not really. He noticed that he wasn’t really himself lately, and he was just glad that Hux seemed to be putting up with it. He shook those thoughts away and got out of his car.

He walked around to the passenger’s side, picked up Millie’s carrier and brought her to the front door.

“You’re going to love them, Mil.”

The air was still chilly and he felt it bite through his shirt as he rung the doorbell. He would have to buy a cosy for the cat carrier. It was pretty late, and he wasn’t sure how long he would have to wait for someone to answer the door.

He was just about to return and grab a shirt to cover the carrier with when the door was answered by Brendol.

“Is this Millie?”

Brendol’s voice was warm with an almost childish excitement. Ben moved inside and held out the carrier.

“You can start getting to know her while I get the rest of her things. Is Armitage out?”

Ben almost never used his name, but since Brendol and Hux shared a last name it wouldn’t really do to call him Hux.

Brendol took the offered carrier and peered inside at Millie.

“He’s in his office. I’ll get him.”

With that Ben returned to his car and brought in two loads of belongings: the first one all Millie’s and the second one his own bags. He was just hanging his thin coat up on the rack when Hux turned up.

“Welcome back.”

Although Hux had that annoyed look that always seemed to settle on his face as his go-to neutral expression, Ben could see the way his lip quirked up at the side. Hux was happy to see him.

He also looked tired. Ben knew he wasn’t the only one who had been pulling some long days and Hux looked like he desperately needed sleep. He had dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks looked hollow.

Ben didn’t even stop to think about it, he crossed the space between them and hugged Hux to his chest. It felt so good to be able to hold him in his arms, feel him warm and willing. Hux’s arms slowly drew up and slipped around Ben’s back, holding him in return. The hug drew on, maybe going on for a little too long and Ben stole a peck before letting him go.

“I missed you, darling.”

Hux looked slightly flustered by the words, but was saved from responding as Brendol came up behind him. Millie was in one hand, looking completely content with a new person, and the carrier in the other.

“Can she stay in my bedroom?” 

Hux actually smiled at his brother and Ben wished that it had been for him instead. It had been weeks and yet it felt like Hux was still holding him at arm’s length. He should have expected it, but he supposed with all Rey’s teasing and the conversations they had had over the last month, Ben had really started to think of Hux as his boyfriend.

It was an odd spot to be in. He’d never really thought he would want to date someone seriously, but he wanted that with Hux. Ben wanted Hux to turn those smiles on him.

He wasn’t allowed to stew in that, as Hux bent down to take his bag.

“I’ll get it.”

Ben grabbed it before Hux could try and lift it. His basic camera kit was in it. There were items he didn’t want to be parted with, and the last thing he would want is Hux being rough with his bag. He had actually done some work at his parents old house, and he was beginning to feel a theme pulling together in the new series of photos.

“No need. Where should I put it?”

“You can show him Armie, I have to get Millie settled.”

Brendol offered, and again Ben wondered what Brendol had invested in his brother getting together with him. Not that it mattered, they shared a goal, so their alliance would go unquestioned for now.

Hux got that look he always did when Brendol pushed him into something, fond and amused.

“Alright, follow me.”

Together they walked in silence up to Hux’s room. Ben walking behind him and taking in his thin form. It felt like it had been forever since they were last together and he both wanted to wrap himself around Hux, and just pull him into bed.

Once they were inside Ben carefully set his bag down and did just that, pulling Hux into his arms like he had when he had walked into the house. This time though Ben kissed him, he kissed him with all the hunger of missing Hux, and with all the need he had been feeling during their weeks apart.

Hux opened his mouth so willingly, and softly moaned into the kiss. Sucking on Ben’s lip before deepening it and letting their tongues slide against each other. 

Ben brought his hands down so that he could cup Hux’s ass, squeezing it in his hands. He had missed this, watching each other get off over camera wasn’t the same. He broke the kiss and made a trail to his ear.

“Do I need to wear a condom?” Kylo murmured.

It was a deeper question then it sounded, he was really asking if Hux had been with anyone else since they had last seen each other, his stomach felt tight as he waited for the answer. They hadn’t really discussed it...only that they would continue to see each other despite the distance.

“Only if you’ve had sex with someone else.”

“So, no then.”

Ben’s response was to let Hux know that he had been the only one, that he had been waiting to come back to him.

It must have meant something to Hux because he pulled Ben back into a kiss. It felt right to be this close to him, and to be able to feel Hux’s thin body against his own.

He had missed this so much, that Ben could feel the need to get closer as if it was an ache. Ben was so tired from the long days at the marina and the sadness that hung around his mother’s house, that this felt like coming home. And as much as he wanted to be inside Hux, he also just wanted to lay beside Hux and feel him close by.

Ben pushed Hux back gently, so that together they moved to the bed.

Hux’s hands slipped under his shirt and Ben pulled back so that he could pull it over his head. Hux’s hands kept rubbing over his stomach, feeling his abs. Ben captured one of the hands, bringing it to his lips and kissing Hux’s knuckles.

“It feels so good to be back.”

Hux smiled and it made Ben feel warm down to his toes. It was the type of smile he had only seen Hux turn on his brother, and it was even better than he had imagined having it turned on him. It made him feel giddy.

Now that he had Hux in person again he just wanted to spend hours pressing kisses to every inch of his body.

“Feels good to have you back,” Hux replied.

Ben didn’t want to let go of his hand, but he also was feeling the need for more skin contact. So he brought Hux’s hand down to his zipper and let Hux be the one to undo his trousers and then push his underwear down. Ben was only half hard, but Hux took him into his hand. Arousal was sluggish with all the feelings still hanging over him.

“Feels really good to have you home.”

Hux gave a slow stroke, and Ben melted into his touch. This is what had been missing. Still, Ben pulled out of his grasp, sitting on the bed and moving to the center. 

“Then you’ll just have to join me, won’t you?” He beckoned Hux.

Hux left for the bathroom and at first Ben thought that maybe he had done something wrong, but then Hux returned with the lubricant and started peeling out of his dress shirt. He tossed the lube to Ben and finished undressing at the side of the bed before crawling to him.

Ben set the lube down beside him and pulled Hux into his lap. He didn’t start anything yet, he just held him. Hux’s arms slipped around him and Ben could feel that his own hands were shaking. It had been a long three and a half weeks since his father had died. He’d had to hold it together for his mother, he’d had to hold it together while he helped his sister with the business and now he was starting to feel the emotions bubbling up as held onto Hux.

He hadn’t really realised how much he needed someone to hold him, and he blinked his eyes quickly to keep from breaking down.

“Are you okay?”

Hux must have felt the tremble in his body. Ben found he had to clear his throat before speaking.

“Just been a really hard month.”

He admitted, his voice breaking, it was harder to hold it together when someone was being sympathetic.

Ben knew he was ruining the mood, and he tried to pull himself together. It didn’t really work through, he had been holding back for too long and instead he buried his face in Hux’s neck so that he wouldn’t see the tears that escaped. Hux didn’t seem to be in a rush though, his hand rubbing over Ben’s back as he as they held each other.

“It’s okay if you’re not up to this tonight. I’m tired, anyway.”

Hux sounded so gentle, the same tone that he always got near the end of their video calls.

“Yeah?”

“Of course. We have two more days, we’ll need the rest.”

Hux’s voice was suggestive and Ben managed a smile into his neck.

They stayed like that for a while, Ben unwilling to let Hux see his wet eyes. It was nice though, Just holding each other in the warmth of Hux’s bedroom. It felt like someone really cared about him, even if he knew better.

At some point Hux got up and closed the curtains, and then rejoined him in bed, this time under the blankets. Hux moved into his arms again, and Ben watched him as he fell asleep.

It didn’t take long. He seemed almost as burnt out as Ben did, and soon his breath was slow and even. He looked so peaceful, unlike the Hux he normally knew.

He looked beautiful like that, his golden eyelashes gentle against his cheeks and his plump lips relaxed. Ben wanted to kiss him again, but instead he watched Hux until his own eyes began to feel heavy and he gave in to the soothing darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

Hux was used to sleeping alone, and it should have bothered him that there was an arm around his waist...but it didn’t. He put his own over it and followed it down until he could wind their fingers together. It had been so long since he had seen Ben in person that he couldn’t even find it in himself to be annoyed that he had allowed this. It was another concession that he shouldn’t be making. 

Hux had allowed things partly because he wanted a chance to be able to have sex with Ben again, and with how busy they both were it made sense that Ben stayed with him. The other part was seeing his brother beaming at him when Brendol suggested Ben stay over, it made it hard to argue against. It was good to see Brendol so happy, even if it was at Hux’s expense. 

He knew that Techie really was improving. That he was starting to be who he had been before, before MaMa. Hux sometimes saw peeks of confidence, and that made everything worth it. 

Ben groaned and moved a little closer, his morning erection pushing against Hux’s backside. Hux supposed there were some nice things to sleeping together as well. It felt comforting to feel the deep steady breaths behind him, in ways that he hadn’t realized. 

They also hadn’t worn anything to bed, and Hux thought about how nice it would feel to have Kylo push inside him. It had been weeks of just toys, and while it got him off it didn’t have the same feeling as being with Ben. The warmth that filled his belly, or the careful fingers always reverently touching him. 

The night before he had wanted Ben, and the feeling was still hanging over him. The only thing that stopped him was that Ben was still struggling with the death of his father and since Brendol’s return Hux had changed. He learned when it was more important to comfort someone. He still wasn’t great at it, but there was something soothing about running his fingers through Ben’s hair. By the time Ben had pulled himself together he was exhausted, but now he wasn’t. 

Since it was hardly eight pm when they fell asleep, Hux woke well before his alarm would go off, even though he had gotten a good sleep. They had the time, so Hux let go of Ben’s hand and leaned forward to grab the discarded lube. It was cold but he coated his fingers and let them slowly warm up. He wasn’t in a rush.

Hux shifted his hips forward and lifted the blankets enough to sneak his hand behind him. It wasn’t a very good angle, but it would do. Hux’s warm fuzzy feeling of being half asleep was still hanging onto him as he teased around his hole, rubbing the lube over it. Hux took his time working his hole open, pushing a finger in slowly. He liked the feeling first thing in the morning, but lately he had been working too late to have the energy to play in the morning. Not to mention Brendol had had a few bad nights with his finals coming up and Hux had ended up staying up twice in the last week. 

Hux was already hard before he could even get a second finger inside himself, though that was partly because of the warm body beside him and knowing what was to come. Ben might still be sleeping, but Hux still remembered the feeling of waking up to Ben’s cock pushing inside him. 

He was almost sure Ben would like this as much as he did. When he had the time Hux wasn’t one to rush, his one hand playing with his hole and his other starting to drift over his chest. Ben always paid attention to his chest, nipping and sucking on his nipples. Hux pinched one to conjure up the feeling. 

All of his masturbation lately had been to thoughts of Ben, thoughts of his big lips wrapped around his cock, thoughts of his strong hands controlling Hux’s body, or thoughts of the soft kisses they shared after. Ben seemed to stick in his mind, but Hux wasn’t worried. He hadn’t really had a lover he found so handsome before, of course he was stuck on Ben. 

Hux kept at it until he was aching. Every once in a while, he’d fetch more lubricant until he felt wet. He didn’t allow himself to come, just teased his own body and getting it ready for Ben. 

Ben shifted beside him, trying to snuggle close again. It was too purposeful, Ben was obviously awake.

Hux slipped the two fingers out of himself and reached behind him to grasp Ben’s cock, his fingers slowly coating it in lubricant as he managed a few strokes. The soft gasp in his ear was enough to make him smile.

“Please darling.”

Hux knew what he was asking for and he tossed his leg over top of Ben’s shifting back so that he could line up Ben’s cock. He rubbed the head around his hole, waiting a moment and enjoying the feeling of having Ben in the flesh before pressing it inside. Impatient as ever Ben started to rock against him, slowly pushing deeper and making Hux moan out.

“I thought you said we had to be quiet if I was sleeping over again, baby?”

Ben teased, his voice still groggy from sleep. 

It was always hard to remember to be quiet when Ben was inside him. It was like the second Ben touched him the world narrowed down to just the two of them. It was part of why he loved being with Ben so much, the stress of keeping up his life and weight of responsibility just melted away. All that was left was the feeling of their bodies moving together. 

“You’ll just have to keep me quiet then.”

Hux teased, pushing back on Ben so that he was almost fully inside him. Ben laid a few soft kisses against Hux’s neck, a hand moving down to his hip and tugging him back so that Hux had to take the last inch. It was just everything Hux wanted, the feeling of his body stretching open and the soft touches of Ben’s hands. 

“You feel so good, I really missed this.”

Ben’s voice was quiet, just loud enough for Hux and nothing more. The praise made him feel just as warm as the arousal. 

The position suited the morning at first, soft lazy thrusts, and warm lips, but it was quickly becoming not enough. 

Ben seemed to be feeling the same thing, shifting so that he was almost on top of Hux. As much as he liked the idea of Ben pinning him to the bed and fucking him into the mattress, he also wanted to be facing him. Hux loved how the curve in Ben’s cock felt against his prostate, but they would have to change position for that. 

“Ben.”

Ben hummed in acknowledgement against his neck, and Hux got a little shiver from the vibrations. 

“I want to see you.”

Ben didn’t pause in his thrusts, already caught up in his rhythm, and Hux had to pant out the words between thrusts. 

“Of course, baby.” 

The kisses got sloppier against his neck before Ben finally pulled out. He moved back so that Hux could lay on his back and then continued with the kisses, but against his lips this time. The kisses were hungry and almost desperate. Ben moved Hux around as if he weighed nothing, shifting him until he was almost bent in half. Ben was on his knees and Hux’s ass was held in his lap. They had to break the kisses but that didn’t stop Ben from looking at him like he was going to eat him alive.

He paused to look at Hux as if to make sure he still had his consent, and at Hux’s lazy nod he pushed back into him. Once Ben was fully seated inside him, he leaned over Hux, pinning him to the bed. 

The change in position did everything Hux had hoped it would. Each thrust worked his prostate perfectly, it was enough to make his legs tremble. 

He swore it was like Kylo could read his mind. He always seemed to know the right speed to drive him crazy.

“You’re so loud. I really will have to keep you quiet.”

Ben shifted his weight and lifted one of his hands to rub it over Hux’s lips before pressing two fingers inside his mouth. 

He pushed against Hux’s tongue and muffled the moans that he couldn’t help, but let out. There was something so intense about being with Ben, and even after all these months that hadn’t changed. There was still a hunger and a desperation to it. 

Hux tried to push his hips up to meet Ben as much as he could, encouraging the rough thrusts. 

It was beautiful to watch Ben fucking him like this, his abs were standing out as he used them, and his dark hair was hanging down messily around his face. Hux sucked on his fingers, gaining his attention so that Ben met his eyes. 

Hux loved the weight of Ben, and the size of him. It felt safe and intense, and it was everything that he couldn’t get elsewhere. 

It was only a short time before it was too much, and Hux could feel his orgasm building. He tried to warn Ben around his fingers, but it only came out muffled. 

Maybe it was even better that Ben didn’t understand. He didn’t change the speed and intensity of the trusts as Hux came, letting him fully enjoy the feeling that Ben was stoking in him. Hux felt like every nerve was raw as it finished. 

Only after he had spilled over himself did Ben remove the fingers from his mouth. 

“I’m going to come inside you, okay?”

Hux nodded, feeling like even speaking was too much at the moment. 

Ben’s grip tightened on his hip and the next few thrusts were even rougher, only ending when Hux felt Ben come inside him. 

Ben stayed like that for a moment, before slowly pulling out and moving to flop down beside Hux.

Unlike the other times, he didn’t seem to be in a rush to clean up. 

“It’s been too long.”

Ben said as he settled onto Hux’s chest. His dark hair was messy and a few strands were in Hux’s face, but he didn’t mind. It felt good to be together like this again. No amount of watching Ben jerk off on video chat could even come close to having him in person. The skin on skin contact made it something special. 

Hux felt so relaxed that he wasn’t sure he could even get up to shower. He didn’t want to get out of bed, but it was only Saturday. He had to go to work for a few hours, and then he would have the rest of the weekend off. He just needed the inspiration to actually get up.

It was hard when Ben was snuggled up on his chest and Hux felt absolutely limp from his orgasm. 

His alarm went off and finally shamed him into pushing Ben off his chest. 

“I should be getting up as well.”

Ben admitted, and they got out of bed together. It felt oddly domestic as they walked to Hux’s bathroom together, Ben only stopping to grab his shaving kit and toothbrush out of his suitcase. It gave Hux time to wipe the semen off his thighs and use the toilet. 

Then they brushed their teeth and shaved together, only pausing a few times as Ben stole a few kisses. They returned to his bedroom started dressing together, and still Ben kept kissing him, laying one of his collarbone before Hux put on his dress shirt, and another on his cheek. 

It was making him feel a little flustered, they hadn’t really had a proper morning together like this. The only time Ben has slept over Hux had rushed him out in the morning. This felt different. 

Ben was dressing in torn up black jeans and a t-shirt that was tight enough that it strained across his chest and biceps. It looked good on him, and he picked out a black quilted overcoat, but kept it over his arm instead of putting it on. Letting Hux really get a good look at his biceps.

“I’ll probably be home after dinner tonight.”

Ben let him know, as if it was his business.

“That’s perfect, I normally do the weekly grocery trip with Brendol on Saturday afternoon.”

Hux was pulling on a suit jacket when Ben wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him again. Maybe it was the time apart, but he rather enjoyed it. 

“I’ll start breakfast.”

“You don’t have to.”

His hands slipped down to Hux’s ass and he felt a little squeeze.

“I know.”

With that Ben headed downstairs and it gave Hux a moment to collect himself. He told himself the warmth that was happening was only because of the prolonged distance. That it was no surprise that he wanted to be around Ben when it had been over a month since the last time they met in person. 

Hux had to keep telling himself that, because he knew he didn’t have time for more. 

He was still convincing himself that there was no need to worry, and that it was perfectly normal for a fling to be this close when he heard a knock on his door. He knew it would be Brendol, still awkward about entering other people’s spaces. 

“Come in.”

Sure enough, Brendol entered and shifted from foot to foot as he looked at his brother. He normally wasn’t awake this early, and Hux would tell by his face that he hadn’t slept much.

“We need to talk.”

That was never good news, but he also knew he couldn’t allow his face to show any concern. 

“Of course.”

Brendol paused for a few beats before speaking.

“I don’t think I want my apartment. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping there, knowing that there is no in else in the house, and I’ve been here this whole semester. There just doesn’t feel like any point. I want to move my things back here. I’m just not ready to move out yet.”

The words came out in a rush, his lisp thick in his nervous babble. 

In all honesty it was a relief, another bill Hux could forget. But part of him worried that he wasn’t doing enough for Brendol. He wanted to help him be the person he used to be, and in the years since he had returned it felt like the progress was so slow. It felt like Hux was failing him. 

“Are you sure? I can keep it for you if you would like.”

Brendol shook his head and twisted his hands in the bottom of his shirt. 

“I don’t want it, it feels like a weight, like I should be there. I just want to forget about moving out right now. I just want my things here.”

“Of course, I’ll give notice and have the movers bring the last of your belongings.”

There wasn’t much. Techie was used to only having a bed and a computer, so when Hux had taken him out he hadn’t picked more than a little a small table a few chairs, a tv, and a couch. That would all fit in the spare room, ready for the next time he tried to move out.

Brendol’s shoulders sagged in relief, and a smile danced on his lips. He was never good at making requests, but Hux tried to make it easier for him to make them. 

“Thank you.”

“Of course, I like having you here.”

It wasn’t a lie. As much as it comforted Brendol to have someone else in the house, it comforted Hux to know his brother was safe and near him. It was also why he preferred to be the one to drive Brendol to his exams. The last time Brendol had gone off on his own he’d been taken. Hux wasn’t prepared to lose him, once was more than enough.

Brendol perked up further as the smell of cooking wafted in the room. Ben hadn’t turned on the hood-fan again. 

“Is Ben cooking?”

Hux almost felt guilty over Brendol’s excitement. Although he was a decent cook and they could manage healthy meals, it never had the taste that Ben’s cooking did.

“Yes, get down there and maybe he will let you nibble while he cooks.”

Brendol took his leave and Hux called after him.

“Turn on the hood-fan for him.”

He watched Brendol head off, and started getting himself together for work. Lately it really had felt like a home, and this morning the feeling was even stronger. He told himself it wasn’t because of Ben.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben ended up changing his flight and taking another two days off; things were going so well that he wasn’t ready to leave. He had never really had this type of relationship and he was beginning to think that maybe this is what it was like for his parents, maybe this is why they stuck it out through the fights and distance. 

It was weird for Ben, he’d never really felt like this before. Sometimes Hux would touch him softly, in the small of his back when he was cooking, and Ben would feel absolutely giddy. 

He’d sort of thought that he was too old to feel like this, it was like when he had his first crush in high school. Except he actually knew Hux...that almost made it worse. He hoped that before he went home they could make things official. That was part of why he took the extra days. 

His shoot finished Saturday, and Sunday they took the day together. It felt like the perfect day, Hux was home with him and Brendol was at his apartment, packing up the few things then the movers could get the rest. Ben and Hux had spent most the day in bed, and sometimes they actually spent the time talking. It felt lucky now that he had been the one that Ben had picked up on a whim. 

That night they picked Brendol back up and then made dinner together. Although Ben was the one doing most of the cooking, both of the brothers stayed in the kitchen, both trying to help and both getting in the way. Now Ben knew what his mom must have felt when she was teaching him how to cook.

They went to back to bed early, and Ben kissed away every moan that tried to escape out of Hux’s mouth, keeping him from crying out until they were finished. Then Ben had laid there listening to Hux’s heartbeat, and realized he hadn’t really thought about his father all day. It had been a moment when he could forget the reality of what was waiting for him back at his mother’s house. 

He was both sick and excited at the thought that this was what love felt like. Not a fling or an infatuation, this felt deeper and more consuming. 

Ben had fallen asleep with those thoughts, and only woke up when the alarm went off. He had moved to his own side of the bed at some point in the night, but Hux was still snuggled close. 

“Morning.”

Hux’s voice was gravely, and he turned over to look at Ben. 

Hux’s red hair was messy in the morning. One of the only times that Hux allowed anything to be out of place. 

“Morning baby.”

“What do you want to do tonight?”

Ben smirked, and wagged his eyebrows. Hux gave him a gentle push. In response Ben just pulled him close, hugging him to his chest.

“Not that, you deviant! After we pick Brendol up from his exam.”

“Last night before I go back. We should go out.”

Ben could ask him then, tucked into a booth at his favourite restaurant. He could already imagine it, holding Hux’s hand and telling him that he wants them to date. With the warmth from Hux now he couldn’t see it going any other way.

“I don’t like to leave Brendol alone after dark, if I don’t have to.”

He wanted to ask why, but Hux was defensive and always changed the subject. Ben knew better than to push. 

“Alright. Then we can watch a movie, something the three of us will enjoy, and then go to bed early.”

“You two can pick the movie while I am at work.”

Ben had editing to do for most of the day, but Hux had already said he could use his home office. Ben had considered just going to his own house to work, but he wasn’t really ready yet to be left on his own all day.

Hux started to pull out of Ben’s arms and he tightened his grip so that Hux couldn’t escape. 

“I need to shave.”

“I need a kiss before I wake up.”

Hux rolled his eyes, but he pressed a soft kiss to Ben’s lips. With that Ben let him get up. He wanted to start breakfast, he liked knowing that Hux got a few good meals. Yesterday’s leftovers were already packed up for his lunch. 

As soon as he was out of reach Hux spoke again.

“Who knew sleeping beauty was so annoying.”

“Who knew prince charming was such an asshole.”

Hux flipped him off as he entered the master bathroom and Ben laughed. It felt good to be here. 

/

Ben spent most of the day in Hux’s office, enjoying looking at his things when he needed a break from editing pictures. First Techie would just peek his head in, and then at some point he ended up moving to the chaise lounge that Hux had in his office, holding Millie. She seemed happy here, he had been a little worried about stressing her out, but she seemed happy with Brendol and it made him feel a little better about the situation. 

Brendol was quiet for most of it, just working on his own computer. A few papers around him, probably study material for his exam. Millie would attack Ben’s socks every once in a while, bringing a smile to his lips. 

When it was three o’clock Brendol started to get fidgety, checking his phone every minute until Ben spoke up. 

“Is something wrong?”

“I have to leave for my exam soon and Armie isn’t home yet.”

His red brows were drawn down and his lips were soft, giving him almost a pouty look. It was times like this that Ben felt the twins didn’t look very similar at all. His Hux might be sharper, but he suited Ben. 

“We can call a cab if he doesn’t sh-”

“No. Brendol has to drive me.” 

The hints of anxiety were starting to grow and Ben could see that Brendol was quickly moving into a full-blown panic attack.

“Can I drive you?”

Ben wasn’t finished with his work, but his eyes were sore so could use the break. He might be able to finish up in the morning before his flight. 

The panic noticeably started to lessen on Brendol’s face.

“You would do that?”

Ben dug his fingers through his hair and leaned back in Hux’s chair. 

“Sure. Just let me save and shut down.”

The relief was plan on Brendol’s face, and he also started to pack up his computer. 

Ben had peeked into his room once while walking by, the little laptop was nothing compared to the desktop Brendol had in his room. It was an odd room. Although it was big he had pushed almost everything into the corner, so his bed, desk, dresser and mini fridge were all within two steps. The rest of the room had been empty except a table with a bunch of little wire figures on it. 

As much as Ben tried to give them both room to explain their oddly dependant brotherly relationship, he was still curious about what was going on. 

Not that any of Ben’s family relationships be called normal.

He texted Hux to let him know what he was doing and then waited for Brendol to do the same. Once they were outside Brendol took a picture of his car and sent that to Hux as well, Ben would be insulted if it didn’t seem to put Brendol more at ease. 

Once they were back in the car Brendol started to fiddle with his shirt. 

“Worried about the test?”

“No, I should be fine.”

Brendol’s voice was tense, and he didn’t speak again for the whole drive. When they parked Ben walked him to the room where the exam was. It was held in the university that he was taking the online course from and so once Brendol was dropped off, Ben found his way to the cafeteria. 

He couldn’t resist sending Hux a few more texts, mostly mentioning the night before and how much he wanted to fuck him like that again. 

Hux hardly responded. A quick thank you at first, and then a second message asking where he was. 

That didn’t stop Ben, though. He wanted Hux worked up today because it would be their last full night together for a bit. The morning Hux would have to take off to work again and Ben would be gone before he got home. He wanted Hux desperate by the time they went to bed. 

He had been depending on Hux more since his father died, he needed something to hang on to for the next two weeks while he was back in the house where Hanno longer lived. 

It was about an hour in and Ben was starting to find that his filthy texts were a double-edged sword. 

His pants were feeling tight and he was glad for the low table he was seated at. He was writing out a description of how good Hux felt when he heard someone clear their throat. 

Ben looked up to see Hux’s annoyed face. 

“I had to rewrite my last email a few times because of those texts.”

“Good, then they are doing their job.”

Hux seated himself beside Ben and gave him a dirty look, but he still leaned in and kissed his cheek. 

“Thank you for driving Bren, I lost track of time.”

“No trouble, he didn’t want to take a taxi and I was tired of work.”

The stiffness was leaving Hux’s face and Ben took his hand under the table. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been able to depend on anyone like that. How can I thank you?”

Looking at the warmth that was starting to show in Hux’s face made Ben decide to up the timeline. How could he wait? Besides, he wanted the full night to celebrate the change in their relationship. 

Ben still had to pause though, squeezing Hux’s hand and waiting for a squeeze in return. It was the reassurance he needed. 

“We seem to really have each other’s backs. I was thinking we could make this official.” 

The warmth slid away like a mask, and Ben could only read fear on Hux’s face. He tugged his hand back and shifted a little further away.

“I thought you knew, we agreed... this is only physical. I don’t have time for something more.”

Ben hadn’t expected this. Not after the last month, with the long video calls and the conversations. The way that Hux had held him that first night. It felt like more than just the physical, but part of him was wondering if he was imagining it...if he had put more meaning behind all the touches. His stomach flopped again, but unlike earlier it wasn’t filled with giddy butterflies. It made him feel sick. 

“Ah. Yeah, I just.”

Ben felt his cheeks heating in embarrassment and he wished that he hadn’t left his bag at Hux’s. Hux was looking as pale as Ben was flushed and Ben knew he had to get out of there.

“It was a mistake, forget it.”

Ben paused for a second.

“I gotta piss,” He said abruptly, getting up quick enough that he knocked into the table as he stood. He quickly strode away and out of sight, face burning.


	11. Chapter 11

There was a noticeable change that Hux could feel ever since he turned Ben down. Ben had never been anything but terribly warm, but that had all disappeared in a few words. He was positively icy for the rest of the night, though a little less in front of Brendol, maybe so that he wouldn’t pick up on it. Whatever the reason, Hux was thankful for that at least.

He knew that stability was important for Brendol, especially with his exams. He seemed to have a harder time while he was going through stress. Hux just wanted to make it easier for him.

When they had gone to bed there was none of the softness and teasing that always began when they were in private. Instead Ben had hardly kissed him, and when he fucked Hux it reminded him more of the first time, hard enough that Hux was just hanging on for the ride. When he came, he was left panting while Ben cleaned up and then turned his back to Hux.

Hux had initiated it, hoping that his mind would accept the lies he was telling himself. Instead it left him feeling empty. And even though he knew that he didn’t have any reason to, his feelings felt a little hurt. He missed the praise and soft touches.

It wasn’t easy. Recently, Hux so depended on Ben, and for more than just as a release, but he hadn’t been lying about what he had said. Hux just didn’t have time for anything more than what they were already doing. He needed to be there for Brendol.

When he had gotten his brother back Hux knew that he would give up anything to keep him, and to help him. As much as he might like Ben, he loved his brother more. They were getting a second chance at being family and nothing was worth giving that up. No matter how lonely Hux felt.

It was harder than he had expected. When his father had died and he thought he would be free, Hux could finally admit he was bisexual and that he tended to be more attracted to men. Hux had always had his life planned out, and now he was free to live it. He wanted to be engaged by twenty-five, a parent at thirty, and partner at his firm by thirty-five. He was going to do what his father had, but he would do it his own way. He had wanted to do it better.

Then he had gotten Brendol back, and the only thing he cared about was taking care of his brother. Instead of an engagement, his boyfriend at the time had dumped him shortly after, and now Hux was twenty-eight and single. With the way things were going he was pretty sure he was going to be single long after he finally became a partner at his office.

Hux had accepted that, though. He just had forgotten how hard it was to lose someone.

In the back of his mind Hux had known this time would come, when Ben wouldn’t be content with what he had to offer.

Hux felt guilty that he had let it go on so long, but there was nothing to do now, so things had remained stiff until Ben left the next morning. The next few days felt like a blur. It felt a little harder to get out of bed when Ben was gone. Hux could hardly pull together the energy to stay late at work. He managed it though, an old picture of him and his brother with their biological mother helped. A reminder of why he worked so hard.

Ben no longer did nightly video calls, turning into twice weekly instead. Just like the night they had spent together, Ben only did what was needed to get off and then hung up. There were no long talks about Ben’s father, or stories about his sister.

It felt cold, but Hux could hardly complain, and it was better than not seeing Ben at all and he got what he needed. _All that he needed_ , he told himself.

In truth over the last two weeks he had thought about explaining, about telling Ben everything, but then he would realize there was no point. Ben couldn’t wait for Brendol to be ready to be on his own, for Hux to have time for him again. It was an indefinite amount of time, and as much as he wanted to, Hux knew that it would be selfish to request it. So, he took what he could.

Even now while he laid in bed his thoughts were about Ben. Only one day and Hux would see him again. Although he skipped video chat for Sunday breakfast the week before, he would be here in person for this one. Ben had promised he wouldn’t make things weird for Brendol. Like they had adjusted to over the last four months, he would show up and cook for them.

As much as he hated to admit it, he was looking forward to it. Ben brought a warmth to the house that Hux and Brendol couldn’t manage on their own.

He was brought out of the thought by the door opening a crack and Millie entering. Since she had arrived that was Brendol’s preferred way to wake him up. Millie would always come in and jump up on the bed, moving to sit next to his face of the pillow. As he blinked she swatted out a little paw and tried to get his eyelashes.

He scooped her into his arms and sat up. They had had a late night. Brendol was having nightmares again and Hux had stayed beside him until he had fallen asleep some time after the sun started to come up. Even as tired as he was he smiled at the tentative way that Brendol tried to test the waters. That, and despite the fact that Hux knew better he was becoming quite fond of little Millie. He swore that Brendol did better with her around, and personally he liked how she was terribly playful, yet still always sat so well in his lap.

“I’m already awake, you can come in.”

The door opened and Brendol peeked inside before entering all the way, he was already dressed and his eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep.

“You should go back to bed.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Brendol shook his head and then sat himself on the edge of the bed, reaching out to pet Millie. Brendol was terribly gentle as he pet her, watching her with wonder. It made Hux want to get a cat for them, so that Brendol would always have the company in his room.

“Do you think Ben will let us keep her a little longer?”

Hux felt guilty as he looked at Brendol’s hopeful face, he wished he could give him whatever he wanted. It had taken so long before Brendol had even dared to hope. He wished that he could tell him that Ben would allow it, but he didn’t know if Ben would after what happened.

“If you ask him nicely he just might.”

“Maybe you could help convince him, I don’t mind if he stays over.”

Brendol had a sly smile as he said it, and Hux shook his head at Brendol.

“You’re selling me for a cat now?”

He kept his tone soft to let Brendol know he wasn’t angry. Hux had learned a lot about how to make his brother comfortable.

When Brendol had first returned there had been a few uncomfortable and terrifying weeks of trying to be there for him before he had gone to therapy himself. Their father was never kind, and he had to learn it all again for Brendol. Although it hadn’t been as extensive as Brendol’s therapy there had been a lot to learn in how to support someone, and how to forgive himself. Hux was still working on that.

“Renting maybe,” Brendol said with a sparkle in his eyes.

 

Millie seemed to be loving Brendol’s attention, and Hux wished that he could keep them together a little longer.

“We’ll see what we can do.”

/

The promise seemed a lot easier when Ben wasn’t there. Answering the door had been a little awkward, but that had eased as Brendol came down to join them, again with Millie in his hands. Ben avoided starting conversations with Hux, but remained warm to Brendol as he started to set up in the kitchen.

Hux wanted the warmth back. He wanted it to feel like it had for all those weeks before.

Ben had brought boudin from home, that he and his mother had made together. They were already in the pan frying up. The smell was enough to make Hux’s mouth water and he snuck in beside Ben to watch them cook. Without thinking he settled his hand in the middle of Ben’s back. He felt Ben tense up. The fact that he didn’t pull away though made Hux feel hopeful, so Hux didn’t pull away either.

“I think Millie wants some too.”

Brendol announced, and the kitten was on the breakfast island despite the fact that Hux had already told Brendol she wasn’t allowed up on the counters. Now that she was used to the house she was becoming bold.

Ben laughed and shook his head.

“I don’t think she will like it, but I do have something else she can have. I brought it for the two of you. Me and mom did a pig before I left, I think she just wanted to keep busy.”

He pulled away from Hux’s touch and bent over the cloth grocery bag he had brought the sausages in. His shirt rode up just enough to showa sliver of his back, bringing Hux’s eyes down to that, and then secondarily to his ass.

He really looked good. In his time away Ben seemed to work out more, or maybe it had just been too long, because he seemed thicker. Hux wanted to get his hands on him again.

Hux looked up and realized that Brendol had caught him looking. His cheeks felt warm as Ben brought out a small bag filled with some sort of meat cubes. He took one out and put it right on the counter in from of Millie.

“You shouldn’t let her on the counter.”

Hux couldn’t help himself, but Brendol just shrugged.

“She likes to be tall.”

 

Ben then handed the rest of the bag to Brendol, but Hux could see a smirk on his lips.

She went for the cube that had been set out for her, and Hux tried to busy himself with getting the eggs out of the fridge and putting them on the counter.

“She looks happy with you guys, thanks for watching her for me.”

“Brendol’s been taking good care of her.”

“Armie’s been doing a lot too, she really likes him.”

As much as Hux didn’t want to ask, he knew it was the perfect opening.

“Would you mind if she stayed until Brendol finished his exams?”

Ben looked surprised and then turned away, cracking the eggs and putting them in theother pan that was already warmed up with bacon grease.

“How long?”

In reality it would just be a few more days, but he knew how much Brendol wanted to keep her and added a bit of time.

“Until the end of the month.”

“I guess I could part with her for that long.”

Ben didn’t sound like he wanted to, but the agreement was good enough.

“You can come and visit her any time you want.”

Brendol offered, not noticing the difference between them. Ben nodded, but for once didn’t agree right away like he normally did. For some reason that bothered Hux more than the distance between them.

He turned his back to the two of them and plated up the eggs, trying to pretend that nothing had happened.


	12. Chapter 12

Being home was somehow worse. 

It felt empty after months of being with his mother and sister. He regretted leaving Millie with Hux almost as soon as he got home. 

Ben spent his second day outside of his house shopping, picking up things for Millie for when she returned. Ben already had food and little dishes for her, as well as a bed, but he picked up toys and a few cat hammocks to put under chairs. Partly because he just didn’t want to be alone. He debated calling up his old group, but for some reason that didn’t feel right either. 

They didn’t know anything about his parents and had never really met his family. He wasn’t even sure what he could say for them to understand. Ben had told Hux everything, he was the only one who would really understand.

He had sort of let his life get sidetracked lately, letting his time with Hux become the most important part of his days. Now there was a second hole and he needed to fill his day to try and forget about everything.

Back at his mother’s house he kept busy at the marina, but now that he was back he could hardly concentrate on his art. Now that it was his third full day home he was really feeling that lack. He had been editing the photos he took during his stay when he heard his text notification go off. 

Ben picked it up a little desperately, hoping it was something that would keep him busy. As soon as he unlocked his phone though he paused. It was Brendol, and all it said was ‘Are you busy? If not, can you come over?’.

It was the middle of the day. They had a few good hours before Hux would be back from work. If Ben went out there, he would be able to see his cat if nothing else. That was enough to decide him. He pulled jeans over his underwear, and got in his car. He was at the house in less than twenty minutes. 

As always there was a bit of a wait before the door was answered. 

Brendol looked slightly frazzled, and he was chewing on his lower lip, something he seemed to do when he was nervous.

“Thank you for coming.”

Ben shook his head, trying to play it off as nonchalant.

“I wasn’t doing anything important, what do you need?”

The unease on Brendol’s face grew.

“We are almost out of the soft cat food, I want to pick up a few more cans.”

It made sense, Ben had expected to have her back by now, she would only be left with her dry food now. 

Ben couldn’t see why it couldn’t wait until Hux got home, but at least it would keep him busy. He knew the pet store wasn’t far, it was the same one he was at the day before, but Brendol looked so uncomfortable he made an offer.

“I can just pick it up for you if you would like.”

He shook his head and his eyes darted around.

“No, I want to go. I want to try and go.”

“What to grab Millie? We can bring her along.”

Brendol seemed to relax a little at that and shot off, when he came back he had the growing kitten in her cat carrier. The same one that she had been brought in. Ben didn’t even pause before he opened it up and picked her up. She really had been doing well at their house. Ben could see she had gained both size and weight since he left her. He also felt a little regret that he said he would let them keep her a little longer. He could use the company. 

“You’re looking great, darling.”

She let out a soft mew before he tucked her back into her carrier. He held it to allow Brendol the chance to get ready.

Brendol paused and grabbed his jacket.

“I just sometimes have a hard time going out in public, I want to try without Armie. I don’t want to stress him out, I want to try myself.”

Ben smiled at him, trying to look reassuring. 

“Sure, you can always wait in the car if it’s too much.”

Brendol gave him a thankful look and they both walked to the car. Brendol again took a picture of Ben’s car, probably emailing it somewhere in case something happened to him. It felt a touch paranoid, but with how anxious Brendol looked Ben wasn’t going to say anything. 

If it made Brendol feel better, then what did it matter that it was doubtful that anyone would kidnap a skinny redhead in his late twenties. 

The drive over was mostly uneventful and when they arrived they paused. Ben could see Brendol was upset, so Ben took Millie out of the carrier and tucked her into his own hoodie. Together they walked to the store and Ben took Brendol’s hand and brought it to the pocket so that he could Pet Millie while they walked. Brendol kept reaching out and giving Millie little pets as if she was a comfort blanket, but Ben could visually see him pull in on himself as they entered the store. 

“If you need to leave, Brendol, it’s okay.”

“When we’re alone please call me Techie, Brendol was my father’s name. I don’t like it.”

Ben could understand that, he had had a complicated relationship with Han. He was someone who understood feeling alienated from their own family. 

“Sure.”

“Armie hates Techie, but when we’re alone…” Techie trailed off, staying tight to Ben as they walked to the cat food.

Ben understood though. Brendol preferred Techie, but Hux didn’t. Ben had witnessed Hux’s outburst when he had mentioned the nickname before. 

At the cat food Techie carefully picked through each one, reading the ingredients until he was content with it, then he showed it to Ben to double-check before grabbing a case of catfood. Then they went to the toy aisle and Techie picked out two new toys to her. He seemed more anxious the further they went.

At the checkout Techie mumbled and lisped out his words, his hands trembling so badly he could hardly take out his wallet. Since it was Ben’s cat he stopped Techie and paid himself. 

By the time they got to the car Techie looked like he was about to have a full breakdown so Ben helped him into the passengers side, and took the flat of food. He stuck it in the backseat and then plopped Millie out of his hoodie pocket and into Techie’s hands. 

Ben walked around the side and sat in the driver’s seat, but he didn’t start to drive. He just waited until Techie stopped shaking and his shoulders started to relax from their defensive hunch.

It was another ten minutes before Techie spoke.

“When I was young, some things happened. I’m just no good around people now.”

Techie’s voice was wet as if he was trying to hold back from crying.

“I don’t think you’re bad at all.” 

Techie looked at him through watery eyes.

“Armie can tell you about it. I think I want you to know, I just can’t say it.” 

Ben nodded, though he doubted Hux would tell him anything with the state of their relationship. He didn’t need to tell Techie though, he wanted to make him feel better and telling him about their troubles wouldn’t help. Plus, he didn’t really want to talk about it, just thinking about it made his chest ache. 

/

Ben ended up staying for dinner. Hux had texted his brother to tell him he would be late, and Ben didn’t want to leave him alone. He still seemed a little worn out from their trip outside.. So, he ordered pizza and watched Planet Earth and just hung out with Techie and Millie. The pizza was good enough, and it seemed to make Techie even happier.

Techie was easy to be around. He was quiet and didn’t demand much conversation, though he did light up while watching the nature documentary. He rattled off information about the animals on screen, things that the narrator left out. 

Millie curled up between them, on the hoodie that Ben took off. They both reached down to give her little pets at her demanding mews. 

She really was happy here, she seemed to be flourishing under the full-time attention from Techie. It made Ben feel a little easier about the fact he was leaving her here a little longer.

Though he still wished he could take her with him. 

They had finished off the pizza and were watching the second disk when he heard the front door. 

There was a moment of shuffling and then Hux was there in front of him again. He had a frown on his lips. 

“Hello,” He nodded at Ben and then looked at Techie.

He looked unsure about the situation and Ben knew it was time to go. At least he had gotten a few moments where he actually forgot about his father’s death. 

“I should get going.”

“Alright.”

“You don’t have to, I’m sure Armie wouldn’t mind if you stayed over.”

Hux frowned further, but he nodded. 

“Of course, you can.”

Ben knew it was up to him, and as much as he didn’t want to go home alone he wasn’t sure he could take staying here. Knowing that Hux didn’t really want him around hurt, and seeing him was a reminder. The problem was that normally Ben liked being around him more than it hurt. Now though after a long day he was too worn out.

“I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition, not compared to how I’ve imposed on you all day,”

Techie replied.

At that Hux’s face softened right up.

“Brendol’s right. Just stay the night, it’s already late.”

Ben paused, he wasn’t sure what to say. He liked him too much, and while he could do just sex, it hurt knowing that Hux didn’t feel the same way. That despite all the time they spent together he was nothing. Besides, even if it felt awful, it also felt good in the moment, and Ben wasn’t so strong that he could ignore that.

“Alright.”

He shouldn’t have agreed. As soon as he said it he knew, but Hux was holding out a hand to help him up and Ben took it. 

Ben gave them both a tense smile and led the way up to Hux’s bedroom. Once he was there the role he used to slip into so easily just didn’t fit.

“I’m going to get ready.”

He moved first to Hux’s bathroom, closing the door and going through his nightly routine. He had a toothbrush here, and when he opened the drawer he saw that Hux had kept it. 

He looked at the toothbrush for a moment, not sure if it meant something or if he was grasping for something in his desperation. Of course he was, Hux was practical, it was why he was keeping him around even after that embarrassing confession.

Ben wanted to crawl out of his skin each time he thought about it. He never did that, and he should have known better. He should have known that Hux only liked fucking him. Just the memory made him feel sick and he took his time brushing his teeth to try and shake it off. 

He shouldn’t be here. 

Like many times in his life, Ben knew he was making a mistake, and yet he wasn’t going to stop himself. He washed his face and tugged his wet fingers through his hair to tame it a little. Ben hadn’t really been expecting to see Hux today, it was meant to be a short hang with Techie to get his mind off of his dad. He was in an old dirty sweatshirt and jeans that were more holes than cloth. 

He didn’t have a shirt under it, but he pulled it off, at least that looked a little better. He looked more like the Ben that Hux was probably counting on. 

For some reason he was struggling with the idea. Now that he wanted more, it was so hard to go backwards. Ben stood looking at himself in the mirror while the horrifying realization hit him. He didn’t want a fling, or to have empty sex with someone who didn’t feel as deeply as he did.

Ben wasn’t sure what to do with the realization. All he knew was that he needed to get out of here. He put the sweater back on and opened the door. Hux was already nude and looking even better than Ben remembered. 

“I can’t do this.”

Was all Ben mumbled out as he hurried to the door. Maybe he’d learned it from his father, but sometimes it was just easier to leave.


	13. Chapter 13

“I can’t do this.”

The words had come up in his memory a few dozen times, sometimes when he was making dinner, or working on a case, or worst yet when he was just trying to have a quick wank.

Every time Hux thought of it, it ruined his mood. Ben hadn’t even tried to talk to him, he’d just left. Not that Hux knew what he could say to make it alright.

No words would change his time constraints, and no words would ease the guilt that sat in his stomach when he thought about spending time away from Brendol.

He was still thinking over it on Sunday when he made his brother breakfast. Ben had had an excuse that Brendol had accept, but Hux wondered if he would always have an excuse until they both stopped expecting him to come over. He didn’t want to think of that day, it felt like he looked forward to their Sundays together all week.

“You should invite Ben for dinner or go out on a proper date. He’s been through a lot in the last few months, and it could be a thank you for all the help he’s been around here.”

Brendol offered, and Hux could see the hope in his eyes.

Hux wondered how he had failed him so deeply, that Brendol was desperate to see the one friend they sort of shared.

“Are you still trying to sell me off?”

He joked to try and lighten the mood. Almost as soon as he said it he regretted it, he shouldn’t be joking about selling people. Hux could see the change in Brendol, but he wasn’t sure if it was do to his own reaction and the change in his expression, or the topic.

“I think Ben’s good for you.”

Brendol said softly, dipping his spoon into his oatmeal.

Hux reached out and rubbed Brendol’s shoulder. He hoped it came off as reassuring, he was trying to be better at this.

“It’s nice with just me and you, besides when would I have time to take Ben on a date?”

“You have time to stay up with me, I think you have more than enough time for Ben.”

Brendol had that look on his face. There was a determination in the set of his jaw, and Hux wasn’t sure how to explain that it was over. The next time they saw Ben would probably be to pick up his cat.

“I would miss out on hanging out with you.”

“One date isn’t going to take all your free time. I don’t want to be the reason you aren’t going to go out.”

Hux felt like that wasn’t fair, even if Brendol was the reason, it was only because Hux loved him and wanted to make up for all the years they were apart. He needed the time to make it up to Brendol, and he only had a finite amount of time in the day.

“Alright, one date.”

Even though he agreed, he knew what it would really be. He figured Ben deserved an explanation, at least then he could try and put it behind him. Part of him felt sick at the thought of it all being over, but it was a delusion to think that he could be with someone yet. When Brendol was comfortable enough to live in his own place, maybe Ben would still be single and he could try again.

He stopped the thought before it got to far, he couldn’t allow that weakness to seep in, he had to hold himself together until it was finished and he was alone in his room. He needed to be steady for Brendol and being upset over a failed romance wasn’t steady.

“You should call him now, since he said he had to do editing all morning he might be done by tonight.”

Sometimes Hux felt like Brendol was manipulating him, as if he knew Hux was lying and was going to use it against him. Even if he was though, Hux wasn’t about to call him out on it, it would mean admitting to too many things that he wasn’t ready to say yet. Besides Brendol being manipulative to get what he wanted wasn’t new, ever since he had returned it had been a part of him. Though it happened much less now, in fact it hadn’t happened in the year before Hux met Ben.

Hux had learned through his therapist that it was a safe way for Brendol to get something he wanted during his time with MaMa, and so he never had it in his heart to call him out on it.

“Alright.”

He hated this, but he picked up his phone and dialed his number. Ben picked up way too quickly.

“Hello, I know you’re busy, but I was hoping we could get together tonight for a date.”

_“I don’t want to just be a fling.”_

“I think we should talk. I would like to come over for dinner. I’ll bring takeout.”

It would be better to be somewhere Kylo was comfortable, so when he explained that it wouldn’t work Ben would feel a little better.

_“Yeah, I can do that.”_

Ben sounded so hopeful that it hurt, Hux quickly said his goodbye and hung up.

Brendol was watching him with excitement. That didn’t help his guilt, he wanted them both in his life.

“He said yes?”

“Of course.”

Brendol’s face softened and the tugged at his shirt.

“I want you to tell him about me. I think maybe he should know if he’s going to be around here a lot more.”

Brendol’s voice held that anxiety that it always did when even the mention of his past came up. Hux didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with the damage from his failed fling with Ben.

He hated himself for giving into it in the first place, how could have been so hubris as to think that it wouldn’t negatively effect Brendol. Hux already felt tired and it was only the morning. He didn’t know how he was going to get through the rest of the day.

/

 

The feeling of dread sat on Hux for the day, when they finished breakfast and went for a walk all he could think about was what he would say to Ben. How he could explain it in a way that wouldn’t make Ben understand.

He had then thought about it through lunch at the diner, scooted in the back of a booth helping his brother keep calm. He worried about it when they had gotten home and Brendol had watched a movie to relax.

The only time he stopped worrying was when he stopped to pick up the takeout for dinner. Ben’s favourite American-Chinese place was just a few minutes from his house, and Hux had ordered Ben’s favourite dishes, it was the least he could do. Hux had even asked for extra pineapple. It was at that moment that instead of thinking about what he would say, he thought about all the information he knew about Ben. He even knew that Ben preferred dishes with a mix of sweet and savory.

He took the offered takeout bag and was off again before he could think too deeply on it.

When he arrived at Ben’s house, Hux sat in his car in the driveway for a while. He wasn’t ready to go in yet, it was only when the discomfort of the thought of what was to come outweighed the discomfort he would be in in the moment that he finally dragged himself out of the car with the bag of food in his hand.

Hux rang the doorbell and then let himself in when noticed it was unlocked.

“Ben?”

He called out as he kicked out of his shoes.

Hux brought the food into the kitchen and he turned to the hall as he heard footsteps. Ben was still in the middle of pulling his shirt on, and Hux got a perfect view of his abs.

He had always loved to rest his hand there the few times Ben slept over. Hux would pace himself to Ben’s breathing and before long he would be able to sleep himself.

Ben’s hair was still wet and his shirt stuck to his skin in patches, yet he look terribly handsome, enough that Hux didn’t know how he was going to let him down.

“You’re early.”

Ben didn’t pull him into his arms and kiss him like he normally would, he was a little wary. Though Hux knew he had good reason not to, he wished Ben would.

“If I didn’t get away I was going to get pulled into another movie with Brendol and then I would really be late.”

Ben smiled and started to pick at the bag with their dinner in it.

“This smells good.”

Hux grabbed two of Ben’s plates and set them out on the small table beside the bag. Ben was already setting out the dishes and letting out little moans as he took off the lids and the scent bloomed out.

The sound was affecting Hux more than the scent of food, and he wished that he could put off what he was about to do. Hux just wanted a little longer. Even a few more days or warm kisses, ones that he knew would be the last so that he could properly memorise the feeling of Ben’s lips against his own.

He couldn’t ignore the hopeful looks of Ben’s face as he started to serve the two of them. He didn’t know how someone who was so big and dangerous looking could also have the same expression as a hopeful puppy.

“I hope you like my choices.”

He said even though he knew Ben did. In fact Ben was already stealing pineapples from the sweet and sour sauce.

“You have good taste baby, though I knew that since the day you kissed me back.”

Ben was trying to sound playful, and Hux knew he had to tell him why he was over, he could stand to go on like this without giving in and that wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Ben.”

“Don’t sound like that, c’mon we have a good thing.”

Ben put his hand over Hux’s stopping him from grabbing the chopsticks out of the bag.

“Ben, the last few months have been good-”

Few months, it had been over half a year. Their fling was longer than all the relationships he had had since Brendol returned put together.

Hux paused because of the hurt that flashed across Ben’s face. Ben was no good at hiding any of his emotions.

“But?”

The emotion was changing to anger and Hux was never good at facing that.

“I don’t have ti-”

Ben stood up and the chair crashed down behind him.

“What you don’t have is a thought about anything else but yourself! I fucking love you, and you can’t even spend time with me when we aren’t having sex.”

It shouldn’t have made his heart flutter to hear the words, and it shouldn’t have made him want to kiss Ben’s bottom lip as it trembled. Hux stood up as well, and searched Ben’s face. He wanted it to be true, even though he knew he couldn’t act on it.

“You love me?”

“Loving you is like breathing to me. That’s how simple it was! It’s like at some point I took one deep breath and knew I could never spend my life without you, and you don’t even like me enough to tell me that you don’t want to be with me. Instead it’s lies that you don’t have time for me. I know you have time, we’ve had the time before.”

Hux knew that the time they spent was all he could ever allow, he wasn’t making it up. The accusation that he was lying made him almost as angry as Ben was.

“It is the time, if I had time don’t you think I would be fucking delighted to hang out with you? I have responsibilities to Brendol that you couldn’t even understand.”

“He seems fine to me, maybe a little awkward, if you really wanted to be with me it wouldn’t be impossible.”

“He isn’t fine, it has taken years for him to be how he is now, and I owe it to him to be there ever second he needs me.”

“Brendol is his own person. You treat him like he’s a child.”

“No, I don’t!”

Hux was shouting, and as soon as he finished neither of them spoke for a while. The food was growing cold between them.

“It’s my fault he is how he is. I can never make that up to him, but I can be there when he needs me.”

Hux finally supplied.

Ben was quiet, he really was listening for once.

Hux didn’t want to tell Ben what happened, his own personal failure, but in the quiet of the room he felt like he had to. Hux cared what Ben thought of him, even if it was over, so the words were hard to form.

“We both knew we were queer from a young age. Brendol wanted us to tell our father together. We were his only children, he would have been forced to accept it. And I refused. I didn’t want to deal with the disapproval… And father was never above getting physical when you did something he didn’t like.”

Hux’s throat felt tight and he blinked his eyes, Ben was still waiting, but a hand came up to cover his own.

“Brendol though, he could never be held back, so he decided to do it on a trip abroad. He didn’t tell me at the time, I would have tried to stop him. As soon as father got the email he disowned him on the spot, and Brendol decided to reach out to an internet friend.”

Hux had to clear his throat before continuing, he tried to tell Ben in the most delicate manner he could, but just thinking of it made him remember the court case and the things Brendol had testified had happened to him. Hux had been sick over it for months, having nightmares of his own and he hadn’t even lived through it.

“He was taken, and they did unspeakable things to him, for years. For just over ten years they hurt and tortured him. All because I was a coward. So as much as I like you Ben, I owe him more than I could ever like another person. I wish that we had met in a few years when things had settled down, but as things are, I know I won’t be able to give you what you want. I hardly have the energy to stay up with Brendol and still go to work, I just don’t have enough left over to be there for you too.”

This is what he had been trying to hide, what he didn’t want to admit out loud. Part of him thought he would never have to.

“It sounds like it was your dads fault, not yours. And what makes you think you have to do this alone? I can stay up with your brother, I can make your dinners so you only have to rest when you get home. I can be there for both of you. All I need is to see you after work.”

“But for how long, Ben-” Hux trailed off for a moment.

“It’s almost been four years, and it’s gotten better, but it’s not going to be over night. It could be years before Brendol is ready to move out again.”

There was a mix of emotion crossing Ben’s face as if he couldn’t decide which one to stop on. In the end it was a look of determination.

“Alright, I accept.”

“Accept what?”

“We’ll stick to the time we have now, but I have my own terms. I want this to be official, and I want it to be leading to more. I mean it. Not just sex and when you have more time, I’ll expect it.”

Hux’s lips pinched tight, it was more than he expected, but if Ben was willing to hang on for now, he would to grab for it.

“I won’t have much time.”

He warned one more time, and Ben rolled his eyes in the most sarcastic manner Hux had ever witnessed.

“I’m used to that by now.”

Hux took a breath before speaking again.

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me. I know it’s not going to be enough.”

Ben’s hand came up to cup Hux’s face, his touch gentle. Hux hadn’t let himself hope for this outcome, he hadn’t dared to. That Ben was willing to fit himself to Hux’s life rather than lose him. The tight feeling in his throat came back.

“Hux, you could never disappoint me. We’ll make it work, no matter what it takes, I’ll be there for you, for both of you.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Hux meant it, he didn’t know anyone else who would be so patient, knowing that it would be a long wait before they could really be together. A part of him still worried, that once Ben realised what he was in for he would leave. Hux tried not to focus on that, and instead think of the chance Ben was giving them.

“Who said you do?”

Ben teased before pressing a kiss against Hux’s cheek. He kept touching Hux as if he couldn’t believe he was allowed to. As if this was the perfect result that Ben had hoped for as well, even though their time would always be restricted.

“Now lets pack this up again and take this back to your place. We can have dinner with Brendol and tuck in for an early night.”

Even as he said it Ben pulled him into a hug so that Hux couldn’t pack up. He didn’t mind. Brendol wouldn’t be expecting them and he just wanted to take a moment relax for once. He slipped his arms around Ben’s waist and slumped against him.

It felt so good to be wrapped in Ben’s tight embrace and he hadn’t yet forgot about what Ben had said before. Although Hux wasn’t sure he could say he loved Ben in return, he knew that there were feelings there and he wanted to hear Ben say it again. It made him feel safe.

It felt like he was meant to be here, and he let himself give into the feeling. For once he was the one who was allowed let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! things have been crazy in real life, but they are settling down now so updates will be back on track!


	14. Chapter 14

It had started with him just holding Hux, and then it moved into kisses. Ben needed them. For a bit he thought he was never going to kiss Hux again and now he felt like he needed every kiss Hux had to offer. Each one felt perfect; the way Hux’s tongue pushed into his mouth with demand, and the way Hux’s grip tightened on his arm to pull him closer, nearly drove Ben mad.

There was always so much need in Hux’s kisses. 

Ben felt so lucky that it was only time that Hux was worried about, he could work with that. Hell, he was a busy man himself, but unlike Hux his schedule was rather flexible. Ben was sure they could make it work. He’d begun to think that Hux didn’t want him. This changed everything. 

He still felt a little raw from the emotions, and after what he said about not wanting it to just be sex, he kept it to kisses. He ended them by covering Hux’s face. When he finished Hux’s eyes were still closed, but he had a cute little stiff smile on his lips. 

“We should pack up.”

“Brendol’s not expecting me home right away, we could stay for a while.”

His tone was suggestive, and his hands slipped from around Ben’s waist and drifted up to settle on his pecs. Ben had missed how attracted Hux was to his muscle, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to take advantage of it right now. After all, he made a big deal about this being more than a fling. They should at least spend a little time together, and maybe wait for the night.

“How about we go home and I stay the night instead.”

It would put things off until he had a moment to think about them. Plus, he wanted to see his cat. 

One of Hux’s hands squeezed his pec slightly but he nodded. A few more seconds and Hux turned to the food and started to repack it up, taking it off the plates and putting it away. At least they hadn’t gotten too far into their dinner plans. 

While Hux cleaned up Ben kept his hands on him. Ben made it look like he was helping, but really his hands were too busy on Hux’s hips to actually help. He slowly brought his hands up, pulling Hux’s shirt untucked, and then a thumb was rubbing over his hip bone. It was going to be hard to wait until that night, but he would stick to it. This had to be more than a fling if he was going to put himself out there. 

“Are you sure you want us to return?”

Hux said, his voice soft. The feelings between them were still delicate in the aftermath of all the things they had said. 

“Yeah, it’ll be good for Brendol to get a little more used to me being there at nights, I haven’t really stayed over that much.” 

Hux nodded, but he also pushed his ass back against Ben’s crotch as he put the containers back in the bag. Ben bit his lip to keep from making a noise, it would only encourage him. 

Ben could hardly wait for that night, he had missed Hux. More than just the sex, he missed the chance to be close to him. He felt like he was still mentally coming to terms with the fact that Hux really wanted him. Sometimes he was so hard to read, that Ben felt like it truly was one-sided. 

He hadn’t felt nervous for much since they had started seeing each other, but now that he had a lot to lose, he did feel nervous about their first few steps as an established couple. 

As soon as the bag was tied Ben took it and held out his other hand to Hux. 

“I’ll ride with you, I can always take a cab home tomorrow.”

“Is there anything you need to bring?”

“As long as you didn’t throw away my toothbrush I’m good.”

They started for the door and Ben paused again. 

“Do I need to bring condoms?”

It was something he hated to ask, but it had been almost two weeks. He had been tempted to try a fling, anything to forget Hux. In the end though he’d felt too low to actually go through with it. That might not have been the case with Hux. 

“Of course not. It’s only ever been you since we met.”

The words touched Ben a way he wasn’t able to express, so he just squeezed Hux’s hand one last time before letting go so that he could grab his keys. 

/ 

It felt different this time, being at Hux’s house. They didn’t bother with the table, and the three of them ate in front of the TV, one of Techie’s favorite nature documentaries was on. Techie would give them little facts about each animal between bites. He liked the pineapple as much as Ben and they jokingly fought over the last few pieces. 

Techie seemed excited about Ben visiting and kept looking between the two of them. They were on the second disk of the documentary when Hux fell asleep against Ben’s arm. Millie, the little traitor, had settled into Techie’s lap like she belonged there. At least Ben could reach over and give her a few pets, which she daintily allowed. 

Though, it was hard to pay attention to anything other than Hux sleeping against him. He looked so soft like this, his hair fallen down over his forehead and his lips relaxed. They were so much softer when he slept. 

Ben felt a sharp elbow into his side and Techie nodded at the stairs. 

“I’ll stay and finish watching this, it’ll be another hour and a half.”

Ben understood what he was saying, but he wasn’t sure Hux would be up for anything. He looked so tired. 

Ben moved slowly as to not wake Hux up, but he managed to stand up with Hux still lightly dozing. He bent down and slipped an arm under Hux’s legs and the other behind his back. Ben picked him up, and he saw Hux’s eye flutter open.

“What are you doing?”

“Carrying you up to bed.”

Hux made a sleepy hum and slipped his arms around Ben’s neck. It made him a little easier to carry, but Hux still wasn’t light. Ben felt it in his arms by the time he was up the stairs, but he managed to get the door open with no help from Hux. 

Ben kicked the door closed behind him and set Hux on the bed. 

Hux gave a sleepy little smile. 

“Now that you have me in bed, do I get a kiss?’

Ben leaned down to give him the kiss, and as soon as their lips touched Hux deepened it. His tongue pressed between Ben’s lips, and his arms wrapped around Ben’s neck to pull Ben down on top of him. He had sort of thought that there wouldn’t be time for this tonight, but Hux was already grinding up against Ben. 

This time Ben responded in kind, rubbing his hips against Hux until his body started to respond. He reached between them to undo Hux’s jeans, and as soon as he finished he used it to rub Hux’s through his underwear. He liked being able to feel his cock through the cloth, slowly swelling into his hand. 

Just touching Hux like this brought back so many memories, and the need to undress was growing. He had never waited before though, most the time they took what they needed, always on a time limit. This time it didn’t feel like there was that rush. Ben felt like he could take his time, enjoying Hux’s lips and feeling the slight damp spot on Hux’s underwear. 

That was one of his favourite things, it was so easy to get Hux worked up with just a few touches. It was like he was so starving for human contact that he would come undone with so little. It only encouraged Ben to work harder, just so he could watch the pleasure cross Hux’s face and give him every touch that he deserved. 

When he felt damp Ben freed Hux’s cock from his underwear. Ben could feel the tip was wet as he ran his thumb over it before starting a few slow strokes. It felt good to hold him again and know Hux really wanted him there and would want him there in the morning, as well.

Even now Hux was moaning into their kiss, a needy sound. It had been too long, and yet it felt almost too quick. Either way Ben wasn’t stopping now, he needed this as much as Hux did. Ben still felt a little mixed up at the speed, from nothing to finally having a chance at everything he wanted. It didn’t feel fully real yet, but with each kiss it was starting to. 

Ben paused in the kiss to bring his thumb to his lips and lick away the taste of Hux’s precum. It also gave him a chance to see Hux, his lips slightly swollen from kisses. Even with the slight tension between Hux’s eyebrows, he looked like the most welcoming thing in the world. 

“Strip.”

Hux said the words like a command and Kylo was glad to obey. He sat back on the bed as he took off his shirt, tensing his muscles so that Hux would get a show. He could see on Hux’s face that it was appreciated, and the way that a hand darted out to touch Ben’s abs as if he couldn’t resist had Ben grinning.

Hux’s hand paused at the top of Ben’s pants, and the motion was an echo of what he had done to Hux, the zipper pushed down, allowing Hux to see his hard cock. 

“No underwear?”

“I was hopeful on how the night might turn out. I had reason to, I told you I wanted more and you still asked me out on a date.”

Ben shuffled on the bed to tug his pants the rest of the way off. 

“Arrogant.”

Ben laughed and moved over him again, stealing a peck before working on Hux’s own pants off. Hux at least was helpful and lifted his ass up and then feet for Ben to strip him. Ben paused to kiss his pale thigh, sucking on it just enough to redden the spot before kissing it again. Every time he saw Hux nude he wanted to take a picture. His body was so perfect Ben felt the need to document it. 

Once the trousers were thrown away Ben leaned over Hux, enjoying the slight flutter of his almost translucent eyelashes. Ben would have to ask him for a photo someday when he felt more confident in their relationship. He felt like he could do a series on Hux’s thighs alone. 

Hux took him in his hand, slowly stroking him.

“My cock is the one thing you like. And besides, I was right, wasn’t I?”

Hux gave him a look that suggested that if they weren’t already naked he might just leave the room. But he was naked, and they were too into it for Hux to stop out of spite. So instead Hux squeezed Ben’s cock almost in warning, before using his free hand to pull Ben down for another kiss. 

This wasn’t how it normally was, normally it was rushed and needy, but the rush was dissipated a little in the knowledge that they were together and that this wasn’t going to be his last chance. Knowing they had time before Techie came back upstairs gave him even more calm, and Ben really enjoyed the kiss. Even though he tasted of sweet and sour sauce, Ben couldn’t imagine anything better. 

They may not be rushed, but Hux was still himself, sucking on Ben’s tongue and nipping his lips. From what Ben knew of him he was starved for human contact and Ben was happy to be the one to give it to him. As he moved on top of Hux he relaxed his arms and let his weight rest on Hux, so that he could rock his hips and feel Hux’s erection trapped against his own. Hux removed his hand from between them and then pressed upwards against Ben, trying to get more friction. 

Ben was starting to feel tense with need, but neither of them rushed it, taking the time to make out like they were in high school. 

By the time the wetness of Hux’s precome distracted him enough to break the kiss, Hux’s lips were red and swollen. He already looked messy and they hadn’t even really started yet. Ben began kissing down his body, leaving a hickie on his collarbone and then another one next to his nipple. 

“Nowhere where it will show.”

Hux dug his fingers into Ben’s hair and pulled it when he got to his belly button. Ben always loved the soft skin of Hux’s stomach and he rubbed his face against it, kissing his way down to Hux’s leaking cock. He licked the precome off his stomach and then took the tip in his lips. 

Hux moaned like Ben was doing a lot more than that, the fingers in his hair really pulling now. So Ben took his encouragement, taking as much of Hux’s cock into his mouth as he could and started to suck him in earnest. 

Ben had always enjoyed giving head; the feel of a hot cock against his tongue, the slightly bitter taste, and the noises that his partners made. Now that they were dating he would have a chance to enjoy more of this, he didn’t have to worry about each time maybe being their last. 

“Your lips look so good like that, like you were meant to suck cock.”

Hux’s voice was tense with pleasure as he spoke, and Ben hummed in response around him. He slowly moved his free hand to Hux’s inner thigh, stroking the skin as he slowly made his way upward. 

There was a slight tremble in Hux’s thighs, and his moans were turning breathy. 

It was praise even if there were no more words. Sometimes it would sound like he was going to speak, but then Ben would take him fully in his mouth and the words would be lost in another sound. Hux was so noisy, but Ben wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Finally, Ben shifted so that be could rub against Hux’s frenum with his thumb, and Hux made a choked sound. 

“I’m going to come.”

It sounded like a warning to stop, but there was no point. They had time, Ben could get him worked up all over again. He wanted Hux to come in his mouth for once. He started to rub a little harder as he worked him with his mouth and Hux gave in. Ben swallowed as he came, and choked at the amount. It spilled down his chin, a little dripping over his lip. He licked it up and looked up at Hux’s flushed face. 

His eyes were half closed, and he was still breathing deeply. 

“You’re beautiful.”

Hux said, and he freed the hand tangled in Ben’s hair to wipe his chin. Ben had been thinking the same thing as he looked at Hux.

Hux brought his own semen up to his mouth and sucked it off. It was filthy and everything that Ben loved about Hux. 

Ben crawled up until he was laying beside Hux and he pressed his still aching cock into his hip. 

“Want me to take care of you?”

Hux asked, his voice groggy, but a lot clearer now. 

“How would you feel about me fucking you until you get hard again?”

Ben would take his time getting Hux ready, he would probably be hard again by the time Ben was inside him, but Hux’s eyes lit up at the question.

“You can try.”

It sounded like a dare. 

/

Ben felt boneless by the time they fell asleep. The night together had been needed, time to touch again and reconnect. He didn’t even really mind when his arm went numb after Hux fell asleep on it after their last round. Ben just gently moved him over and had fallen asleep again. 

That was probably why the screams that cut through the room were so jarring. 

Ben staggered out of bed, turning the light on before he realized it wasn’t coming from the room they were in. Unlike Ben who was dazed and wide-eyed, Hux was calmly pulling on his underwear and wrapping his robe around his body. He wore it like a uniform, and he looked both tired and alert. He was moving quickly and already was at the door.

“It’s Brendol. Go back to sleep and I’ll join you in bed when I can.”

Ben stood naked watching Hux drag his fingers through his hair as he followed the shouting. He seemed so calm about it, but the terrified screams had shaken Ben to the core. He wasn’t sure he would ever get used to it. 

He sat back in bed after Hux left, but it felt wrong to go back to sleep when Hux was up. He had said he would help after all. 

Even though Ben was tired, he dug through Hux’s closet, pleased to find a pair of sweatpants he had left there before his trip. He had assumed Hux would have hucked everything the second Ben walked out on him. Then he grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and tugged it on. 

The screaming had stopped shortly after Hux had left, but when Ben got close to the room he could hear the sounds of someone sobbing. He hung outside the room for a while, probably around half an hour even though it felt longer, until they were quiet for a while. 

Then he opened the door and peeked his head in.

“Hey, anything I can do?”

Techie looked up at him with red rimmed eyes and smiled. Hux gave him a look of annoyance, but somehow seeing Hux sleepy, with his hair still out of place, Ben could easily see they were twins. 

Techie was in his pajamas: soft pants, and an oversized bright yellow t-shirt. It only made his red puffy eyes stand out more.

“I am just going to stay up for a while, watch a movie. It’s okay.”

Techie’s voice was a little stuffy, and his hand shook when he sat up. He didn’t look like he should be left alone, and Hux was almost radiating protectiveness. Hux worked in the morning though, and Ben could do his work at any time he wanted. 

“Why don’t I join you, and Hux can head back to bed?”

Techie brightened up at the offer. 

“I can stay up-”

Techie cut off whatever Hux was going to say.

“That sounds good, you need to get some sleep anyway Armie.”

With both of them ganging up on him Hux shot Ben a glare, but gave Techie one last hug and left to go back to bed. 

Once Hux was gone Techie wrapped his blankets around him and the two of them made their way downstairs. Ben was tired, but he also felt good about his choice. He wanted Hux to know that he could depend on him, and it didn’t hurt that he also wanted Techie to know that, too.


	15. Chapter 15

Hux wasn’t sure if things were moving too fast, or if it was just what he wanted. The first time, Ben hadn’t just spent the night. Instead he had spent a full week with them. After that they had agreed on three nights a week, with him spending fours day with them. It was a month before Ben had moved some of his things over, so that he could work during the day in Hux’s empty basement suite. It meant that he didn’t have to go home during the day to work.

When Hux’d bought the house, he had planned for it to be for his children as they grew up. The upstairs room Techie had was for the nursery. He hadn’t really thought of that in a long time, until he was cleaning out the basement for Ben. Then it was set up for Ben’s work, with a mini gym for workouts, and yet Hux wished that it could hold something more. 

In the day Brendol often slipped downstairs and would hang out on his own computer while Ben worked. Hux could see how much Brendol enjoyed having a real friend.

Ben fit into the house as if he had been a missing piece. In the morning he would wake up with Hux and make him breakfast while Hux showered. Ben would normally have a glass of milk while Hux ate, then they would talk over coffee. It was a perfect little bubble every morning. Then once Hux left, Ben would go back to bed and wake up again with Brendol. They would have breakfast together and then Ben would hunker down to work. 

When Hux came home there was warm food waiting, but more than that was the way Ben greeted him. Picking him up and kissing him in a way that made Hux want to skip dinner. It took away the worry of working late, when he had Ben there with Brendol. 

Hux missed him on the days he wasn’t there. They both did. He kept thinking about asking Ben to stay more, but it would be too fast, it had hardly been two months since they got back together.

All day he had been feeling a hint of excitement knowing that Ben was coming over, but he wasn’t the only one. Brendol had long since passed his exams and had gotten into all his classes. Now that he was starting new classes again, Brendol was almost bouncing at having a second person to tell about his day. Hux was having slight nerves to see Ben again, it would be another four perfect days. The only problem was, Hux knew they would have to start talking about where their relationship would go. 

‘Dating’ wasn’t really enough. He needed to know what Ben wanted from the future. Hux had always had steady plans, but now that he had Brendol things were uncertain, but there were still hopes. Hopes that he thought had died with the end of his last relationship. 

Hux had never been good at talking, but he wanted this to work enough that he was going to try and change, if only a little bit. It was part of why he was cleaning now, it helped him work though his thoughts. 

The door opened without a knock and Ben came in with his backpack. It was like he was coming home. 

“Welcome.”

Hux called from the kitchen. He sounded stiff, so he pulled up one side of his mouth in a tight smile to soften his words. 

Ben came into the room and set his backpack on the counter. 

“I like the apron, is this some sort of roleplay?”

“I was cleaning up after dinner.”

Unamo had bought it for him as a gag housewarming gift. It was a doe brown fabric trimmed in lace of the same colour, and there was matching mitts hiding in a drawer. They were all well made, so Hux actually used them. Normally the only one to see him in it was Brendol.

“Oh yeah? Making sure the house is clean for me.”

Ben crossed the room and came up behind him, his hands resting on Hux’s hips. They moved forward under the apron. 

“Brendol’s upstairs. I was hoping we could talk.”

He felt Ben grind against him, not the best precursor to a serious talk. 

“What do you wanna talk about darlin’?” 

Hux turned around in Ben’s hold and looked into his deep brown eyes. 

“What do you want out of this relationship, out of the future?”

“Oh. I guess I just want to be with you, baby.”

“I...”

Hux felt tight in his chest. It felt so soon to be talking about this, but it was better to know sooner rather than when it was too late. He cleared his throat.

“Someday I want to adopt a child. I just would like to know how you stand on this.”

“Ahh.”

Ben’s voice deepened, and Hux was starting to think that maybe Ben didn’t understand that this wasn’t roleplay after all. 

“Do you want to try and make a baby? I can carry you upstairs and I can start the in-”

The words tipped him off that Ben definitely did not know, and he cut Ben off before he could finish whatever filthy scenario he was coming up with. 

“I’m serious Ben, I mean it. Not right away, but in a few years.”

“Ohhh.”

The word was drawn out as Ben realized. 

“I mean it wouldn’t be until after Brendol left, and it might be a while before that happens… But I wanted to you to know my intentions. And I want to know what you think.”

Ben tilted his head, but he didn’t speak right away. Hux was actually glad that he was thinking it over and treating it seriously. 

“Yeah I mean I practically raised my sister, guess I could see myself with maybe one or two kids. No more than that, though.”

Ben looked a little worried, as if only two might be a deal breaker for Hux. 

“I was never one for big families, myself. Two would be acceptable when the time comes. It’s nothing imminent, I just wanted to know where we stood.”

Hux was still feeling tense over the whole conversation, but he was glad to have gotten it out in the open. Ben’s hands were rubbing up his sides, making the apron flap. Even with the serious conversation Ben obviously had a thing for it. Hux would make sure he changed out of it upstairs so that they could use it that night.

“I stand with you, darling.”

Ben’s easy way was making him relax, and when he leaned in to kiss Hux he only need to tilt up his face to accept it. Ben’s lips were terribly soft, and Hux leaned into it. He wished Brendol wasn’t upstairs so that he could take Ben up at that moment, to show him how much his words meant. 

“So, as I was saying before... if you wanna keep that cute little apron we could go upstairs.”

“Brendol’s upstairs.” 

“This is so fucking frustrating.” 

Ben sort of laughed the words out, taking the edge off them. 

“I know.”

“We need to put a mattress in the downstairs suite. Even a little blow up mattress will be enough, I just need to be inside you.”

Ben’s voice was understanding even though there was an edge of stress to it. Ben didn’t stop touching him, even though it couldn’t go anywhere yet. 

The weeks had been full of moments like this, while they tried to figure out the right balance, but he was pretty sure Ben understood now what he had been worried about. There really wasn’t enough time to be alone. Yet he seemed to be handling it better than Hux had anticipated. A little frustration was to be expected; Hux felt the same way.

“Then why don’t we get into our pajamas and watch a movie then. We can start getting warmed up, and then when you think he’s asleep we can work out everything we built up to.”

The suggestion sounded perfect. Hux wasn’t sure it would work out, but he was willing to hope. It was part of why he loved Ben, he always tried to make the best of an awkward situation. The thought made Hux’s throat tight. He still hadn’t told Ben, though it sat on the end of his tongue most days. 

Hux gave a nod and Ben kissed his temple. With their similar height Ben had to raise up on his toes. Hux rolled his eyes and tried to look annoyed, but it pleased him. Ben might be overly affectionate, but it felt like it was just what Hux needed. 

“Get upstairs and change and I’ll find something good to watch.”

“Bossing me around in my own house?”

Ben got that arrogant smirk that Hux both hated and loved.

“That’s all you have to say? You’re getting soft. I’m here more often than you are, darling. Even Brendol says so.”

Ben meant it in a teasing way, but Hux felt the guilt that he wasn’t around more. He felt the need to defend himself, tell Ben it was because he needed to work hard for Brendol, but they both knew it.

“I still pay the bills.”

Hux may have restrained himself, but couldn’t help but get in a jab. 

“I could help out, I mean I’m here often enough.”

Hux hadn’t wanted the offer. Ben had his own place and he was used to taking care of the house. 

“You already get all the groceries, it’s more than enough.”

Neither of them had intended that, but during the day the stores were empty and Brendol enjoyed going to pick out what he wanted. He’d never had that chance, not really. First he was too young and then he was with MaMa. It was one of the small delights that Hux always tried to encourage. Plus, Hux felt it was good to get him out in public. So after Ben overheard Brendol complaining about having to go out right when the store would be at its fullest after work, Ben had just started taking Brendol out to get groceries with him.

It felt like it shouldn’t be so easy, and yet Ben made it that way. There was always the struggle with intimacy when Brendol was around, but at the same time Ben really was trying. More than Hux had ever expected him to.

“I could do more, I want to do more. I’d be happy to pay a little of the mortgage if it meant I could stay over another night.”

Hux paused as if he had to think about it, even though he wanted to blurt out a yes. 

“Alright, you can pay the internet bill and stay one more night.”

“I knew you were getting soft.”

Ben teased as he finally backed off to give Hux enough space to finish up wiping down the last counter. 

Hux couldn’t help but think that Ben was right, he was getting soft. He smiled down at the counter.

“That’s only because I love you.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be replying to everyones comments tomorrow! thank you for them! it's late here so I am sneaking to bed

It was starting to get hot and it showed in how Hux dressed. They were helping Techie move again, and for once Hux was wearing pajamas. Or at least part of them. 

They were tiny silk shorts that rode up every time he bent over. Hux didn’t own any other shorts, and even his one pair of pressed jeans were too warm for the weather. So Hux had settled on wearing the gold shorts, after he claimed that they looked like normal shorts. Ben didn’t agree, but he enjoyed the view so he didn’t comment.

Over the shorts, Hux could have worn anything, but he picked the one thing that was getting Ben even more riled up. It was one of Ben’s comfortable shirts, with the neck stretched out so much that it fell over Hux’s slim shoulder and revealed a light dusting of freckles. Ben would have sworn Hux wore them to tempt him, if Hux wasn’t sweating bullets just like he was.

Ben had fully moved in only a few weeks before and yet he still couldn’t get enough of Hux. Now that they were actually going to have alone time, Ben was both excited and a little worried. He hoped that Techie wasn’t moving out because of him. He was fond of Techie, and despite the fact that he was older than Ben, Ben thought of him as a little brother. 

Some days Ben was so happy, he forgot about the loss of his father. He still had bad days, but he also always had Hux to hold him when his chest was aching. Hux would run his fingers through Ben’s hair and press kisses against his face until the moment passed. Sometimes Hux would encourage him to call his mother. 

It was hard but it also helped. He felt like it helped Leia to talk about him too. Sometimes he would even mention the guilt he felt, and he was relieved to know that his mother didn’t blame him. 

Not that Ben was always good at opening up, but he was getting better. 

Ben had been trying to stay out of the living room during the move-in. He mostly just carried the heavier boxes up there and let the two unpack and talk. There wasn’t a lot though, Techie just didn’t own much. Ben had run out of boxes and was now hiding in the kitchen. He knew the move was causing a lot of tension between the brothers, so he got himself a glass of water and pretended he couldn’t hear.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Hux was tense over the choice, and Ben could hear it in his voice.

“Yes, I know. Just like I knew the forty other times you said.”

Techie’s voice, on the other hand, was exasperated.

“I can afford something bigger, you don’t need something this small.”

There was a long drawn out sigh, and Ben had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. He could almost hear Techie rolling his eyes. Although Hux could be a lot, Ben knew it was because he was worried. 

“I hated the last place, I was rattling around in it. This is perfect for me. I lived in just one room for most my life.”

“I know, it’s why I want you to have more space.”

The guilt was plain in Hux’s voice. Ben wanted to slam the front door just to let him know he was in here. He started making his way there. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I feel more comfortable here. I wouldn’t know what to do with a bigger place.”

Ben opened the door and shut it hard. 

“All finished!”

He walked into the living room, and Hux was seated on the small love seat next to Techie. The shirt had slipped over his shoulder again and his hair was messy over his forehead. Ben could hardly wait to get home. Hux didn’t look the same in this skimpy, casual outfit. It wasn’t the suits and carefully tailored dress shirts that made him look bigger than he was. This made him look small, like Ben could pick him up and fuck him against a wall without his arms aching. 

He’s gained weight in the last few months while Ben was practically living with him. Not a lot, just enough to fill out his face and make his thighs look even better in those tiny shorts. Even though Techie ate with them he didn’t seem to be able to put on weight. It made the difference between him and his brother stand out a little more. Now it wasn’t just the few inches that Hux had on Techie, and even though they were identical twins, they were no longer so identical. 

Ben’s chest felt warm as he looked at Hux and it must have been obvious on his face because Hux gave him a kind smile before he spoke. 

“I’ll grab us dinner.”

Hux offered, before taking out his phone. It took a bit for them to all to agree on what they wanted and Hux called in their order before leaving the two of them alone. 

Ben took Hux’s seat on the loveseat, but he was wider than Hux and pushed up against Techie’s side. 

“Armie’s just worried about you.”

Ben said, smirking as he used the nickname Techie always used. 

“I know, but it’s been over a year since I moved back in with him. I want to try again.”

“We wouldn’t mind if you waited until you graduated. I don’t mind staying up with you.”

Techie shook his head and hair fell in front of his face. 

“I want to try.”

“Then we’ll support you.”

“I know I’ll never have something like you and Armie, but I at least want to have my own life.”

Ben could hear the yearning in Techie’s voice for something more, but also the tension of anxiety nipping at the words.

“No matter what, you know me and Hux will be there for you right? If you ever need a ride you can call, especially if you aren’t going somewhere public. Don’t give up on finding someone if that’s what you want. I think you could. After all, you look just like the handsomest man I know. If you don’t find anyone though, that’s okay too. You have me, Millie, and Armie.”

That last sentence was teasing and it worked. Techie gave a shy smile and fidgeted with the hem of his own shirt. 

Ben was getting braver with the nickname “Armie”, he’d never used to Hux’s face. But maybe he would try using it once they got back home today.

“I know. Armie’s great.”

“I agree.”

Ben looked towards the door and vocalised the thought that he had every time he saw Hux lately.

“I’m going to marry your brother.” 

“So, you’ll be my little brother in law.”

“Hey now, I might be younger, but I’m still bigger than you.”

Techie was looking a lot happier, the smile steady on his lips now. He seemed to be slowly getting used to the place. 

“I think that would be good, Armie’s been so much happier since you two got together. It’s been almost a year, right?”

Ben laughed. It would have been a year, not since their first date, but from when they first met. In one month it would be a full year from that date. It would be both the date of his last show, and close to his next one. They had been dating for less than half of that, but he wasn’t going to spoil the image that Techie had. 

The weather was warmer this year, the summer refusing to let go of its hold. Ben remembered the nip on his skin when Hux had touched him out on the fire escape. He still had the scandal rag with blurry photos of them caught in the act. Blessedly it just looked like they were only kissing. He’d never shown Hux, but kept it as a memento. He had bought the original pictures and planned to use it in a piece for their wedding. If Hux says yes, that is.

“Close to a year, long enough to know what I want. I just wanted you to know first. I don’t know how I’ll thank you for keeping it secret.”

It felt important that Techie knew. He was such a big part of Hux’s life that Ben couldn’t imagine asking him unless he knew that Techie was okay with it first. 

“You can thank me by making sure Armie visits lots.”

Ben knew how Hux could get caught up in work, but he doubted he would have to make sure. Hux was already making plans to visit him the next two days while they had driven over to the new place. Not only that, they had also made sure that Techie would be over for the Sunday morning breakfasts every week. 

Though Techie was moving out, they didn’t want him to think they forgot about him. Hux never wanted him to feel lonely ever again.

“I will, and if you start feeling like you need a little company, I’m sure Millie wouldn’t mind visiting you.”

At least twice a week Ben would find his cat tucked away in Techie’s room. She liked Hux’s brother almost as much as Ben did. It was going to be strange to them all adjusting to Techie stepping out on his own again. Ben just hadn’t expected to already miss him.

/

“I can’t believe it.”

Hux said for the third time. The first two had been during the drive home. This one was upon coming in the front door and seeing Techie’s coat and shoes missing, now moved to his new home. Hux’s hand hovered in the air where the coat would be. He could tell Hux was feeling the effects of an empty house.

“I know, darling.”

He slipped an arm around Hux and pressed a kiss against his cheek. His hand wandered down just enough to brush against the little shorts Hux was wearing. Ben’s shirt had slipped over Hux’s shoulder again, and in the low light his skin looked terribly soft and inviting. Ben tried to ignore it for the moment though. Hux needed comfort more than sex.

“Why don’t we head to bed, it’s been a long day.”

Ben suggested. A full night’s rest would ease Hux’s mind. 

Hux didn’t respond, but the wrinkle between his brows eased. 

“Why don’t you join me for a bath. We’re both too sweaty for bed anyway.”

The offer was too good to refuse, and Ben allowed himself to dip down and kiss the bare shoulder. A cool bath would suit the hot day. He could taste the sweat on Hux’s skin.

“Alright.”

He moved closer, dipping down to slip an arm under Hux’s knees. Hux used to fight it, he still sometimes did, but this time he gave in and let Ben scoop him up. His arms wrapped around Ben’s neck as he carried them up the stairs and into their bedroom. 

Ben carried him all the way to the master bathroom and set him down on the counter. He turned to start the bath and then back to face Hux. 

Ben didn’t speak at first, he just took in the view in front of him. He looked at Hux’s thighs with the shorts riding up. They were pale and dusted with freckles, and on his inner thigh he could see a bruise sticking out where Ben had sucked on it that morning. 

He reached out and pulled his oversized shirt over Hux’s head, baring his pale chest. Ben could never get tired of how Hux looked. He ran his hand down his chest all the way down to his soft stomach.

“I need to use your gym.”

Hux commented, and Ben shook his head.

“I don’t think you need anything darling, I’ve never seen anyone look so good.”

He liked that Hux had filled out a little. While Hux was still a thin man, Ben could no longer count every single one of his ribs. He looked healthier, like he was no longer skipping meals because he thought he was too busy, and Ben loved it. 

“Flatterer.”

Hux looked pleased as he said it, and he helped Ben with undoing his shorts, giving Ben a peek at his pubic hair.

“Not flattery, only truth.”

Ben kissed him then, trying to put all his feeling into it. Hux was everything he had wanted, and he needed for Hux to understand that. 

He felt Hux’s hand in his hair, pulling it, the other coming to rest on his jaw. Hux was holding him like he was afraid he was going to disappear from his life as Techie had. 

It was enough to leave them both panting and when he pulled back be could see that Hux had wiggled out of his shorts, leaving him nude on the counter. 

Ben joined him, pulling off his muscle shirt and swiftly tugging off his sweatpants. He leaned forward and kissed Hux, slowly pulling him off the counter, so that he could carry him to the bath. Ben took careful steps, not wanting to drop his precious cargo. 

“You’re going to have to stand, I’m not sure I can get us in the water without slipping if you don’t.”

Hux let a little laugh out.

“And here I thought I was the one who had to work out more.”

The snide comment made Ben tempted to drop him, but even with water in the tub that wasn’t a good idea. It was also the first real bit of spirit that Hux had shown since he walked back into his own house without Techie being there. So, Ben let Hux slowly slide down his body until he was standing. 

That in itself was distracting and Hux took advantage of it, running his hands over Ben’s bare skin as he was set down. Hux always touched him as if he was starving for his touch, maybe he was. Ben knew that he always felt that way himself, no matter how many times he had Hux it was never enough. Standing with the cool water filling around them, Ben already felt distracted by the man in front of him. 

Hux still had an edge of sadness in his expression.

“We will have him over for dinner all the time, and if he needs to come home he’ll know he’s welcome.”

Hux managed a smile.

“I know, I just worry.”

“I do too.”

It was as if the reassurance was what Hux needed to hear and he melted against Ben. It wasn’t really easy, Techie was a part of their family. But they both knew this is what he wanted. 

They shared a long hug, and then Ben looked into Hux’s face before pulling him down into the water. He was going to enjoy washing Hux, watching the water run over his pale skin. 

Almost a year, Techie had said. And yet it felt like no time had passed at all. Ben needed a lifetime with Hux.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Pandalolli for editing!
> 
> and you can find me on Tumblr [here](http://redcole.tumblr.com) :D


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